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Personality changes after treatment?

6 months 2 weeks ago #57267 by Ange
I think you and your husband should sit down the kids and tell them the truth

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6 months 2 weeks ago - 6 months 2 weeks ago #57261 by Warrior1968
Interestingly Ive been feeling that way a tad bit as well. I have been diagnosed, but await a second biopsy to decide treatment. I am mostly alone in my thoughts. No one really asks me how Im doing. I have an older cousin who is a cancer survivor who checks in on me. My older brother hasnt even called me in over a week. Nor my son or my son's mom.
Even my mother who lives with me doesn't even ask how I'm doing.
Everything I do is frustrating.
If I drop something on accident, its the worlds fault, If I cant type perfectly on my little phone keyboard, im pissed off. I try to remain positive, but theres always that knawing thought of "why me". I wish I had a therapist.
Ironically, over a year and a half ago thats why I went to the doctor. No one seems to want to genuinely help. I just get given phone number to call. Not sure what to say about your husband, but he may be holding a lot in.
I feel thats what my problem is. Keep asking questions here. The more points of view will guide you to your next step in helping him.

Fight Fight Fight
#Kickcancersbutt

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6 months 2 weeks ago #57260 by sara.anne
As has been pointed out, we are all individuals and what works for one will not work for another. I have a friend who won't tell her kids anything (they are adults) about her health issues. And then she found out that one of them had not told HER about THEIR problem. She was really pissed. Now neither one trusts the other to tell the truth.

In my family we always shared, in an age-appropriate way. It can be a shock at first, but then everything calms down and life goes on. We support each other. To feel that we have been "left out" means that we are never sure if things are really all right or not.

Sara Anne

Diagnosis 2-08 Small papillary TCC; CIS
BCG; BCG maintenance
Vice-President, American Bladder Cancer Society
Forum Moderator

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6 months 2 weeks ago - 6 months 2 weeks ago #57258 by Jack R
Frannie72

Please understand that none of here are doctors; on this site you can bounce ideas off others, and hear how others dealt with issues. You may receive a range of opinion, and only you (perhaps with qualified local help) have to find your own way.

My children were older than yours at time of my cancer diagnosis.Once I had an idea of the path ahead (with much help from this site) I wrote a letter to my children, including the one (also an adult) still living at home, concisely stated, I said, " I have cancer, I am receiving treatment, and there is no urgency to my situation. I will let you know if that changes."

Of course the kids were concerned, and suddenly there were many more visits to "the folks" than normal. Once the kids were over the shock, life settled down. Being truthful, but not providing extreme detail, worked for me.

The grands know that grandpa is sick sometimes. When my immune system is down, the grands just need to be told once (or 3 times) why gramps is wearing that funny germ mask, and that he will not be giving or taking any hugging and cuddling on this visit. They will, sooner or later, associate the word cancer - perhaps it will be a bit less scary to to them.

Almost four years ago, on this site, I was told "Cancer is a team sport" - it involves and affects the patient and those around him/her. I have found that to be true.

We each have to work our own way through this disease.

Best,
Jack

What's with this Bleeding ? 6/2015
DX: HG Papillary & CIS
3 Years and 30 BCG/BCG+Inf
Tis CIS comes back.
BC clear as of 5/17 !
RCC found in my one (only) kidney 10/17
Begin Chemo; Cisplatin and Gemzar
8/18 begin Chemo , round 3
Begin year 4 with cis

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6 months 2 weeks ago #57257 by frannie72
We probably do need some professional counseling, I don't feel it's something I can handle myself.

I am really on the fence about telling the kids. We have 5, from ages 20 to 6, my husband is an older father, they already are anxious about that, if they knew what he was dealing with, I honestly don't know how they would take it.

My oldest daughter has depression and anxiety and sees a therapist regularly. I spoke to him in confidence and he feels honesty is the best way to go.

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6 months 2 weeks ago #57256 by Jjbrown
Frannie72,
I was recently diagnosed ( January) and can honestly say that after the initial shock, my emotions were all over the place. One minute I was accepting, thinking to myself " why should I be the lucky one and never have to experience cancer? I'm not special." THe next minute I was in the fetal position crying like a baby. I say " minute" because my emotions would change that fast! I am still raising kids ages 17 down to 8 years old and that was a challenge also. If the 17 year old can handle me telling him, would he then tell a younger one? I guess it just depends on your kids. Only you will know, as you know their personalities and what they can handle emotionally. I chose not to tell any of them, not even my oldest. If at some point I feel they have to know, if I need more Turbs etc, they will start asking questions then, I may have tell the oldest then. He is old enough to realize things aren't right with mom, what are all these surgeries for??? I dont think i can ever tell my youngest unless things go really sideways for me. I will just say im sick. I cannot scare her with the "C" word. I am taking it 3 months at a time. I just wanted to post though as to the emotions your husband is probably going through. It is by far the most difficult thing I have ever dealt with, especially being a parent of kids that still need us. Good luck with everything!!!

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