Burnt out and shutting down

Connie,

I was only dx'd less than a year ago, but I can easily understand how one could get maxed out, worn down, fed up, burnt out, etc. in regard to thinking of BC over the years and what it may or may not do to us. I just want to say that I too believe in a higher power, believe that we are here for a purpose, and I will add your concerns to my daily prayer list. Maybe an anti-depressant is in order if you aren't already on one. I take one that I cut in half...it's just enough to take the edge off my anxiety. Wishing you peace of mind. God Bless. Melodie

Dear Connie,
What you are going through is a nightmare...I believe I know.
I went through an ordeal with colon cancer seven years ago..and
now this.
I wish I could do or say something to ease your mind.
It's tough, but life is precious..Indeed a gift.
I have researched this disease until my mind became boggled.
I don't know what I thought I was going to discover...Perhaps some miracle??
I find great comfort in walking(Doesen't cost anything)
I get out in the fresh air and take some deep breaths and start on
my two mile walk..My mind clears..I see the animals..Nature...maybe some other
walkers..thank God that I can do it.
I pray that you find some way to gain peace of mind.
I know this doesen't help much..But, I wanted to express my feelings for you.
I think we all care about you and pray for you.
Try to get yourself involved in something that will take your mind
off this thing we have.
Blessings,
Max

Dear Connie;

I am so sorry to hear this news. For me my strength is the ability to reach out to to others. I have communicated with Zach, Warren, Wendy, Rosemary and others who have set aside their conditions and issues to take the time to educate, assure, and guide my decision making process. When we shut down, believe me I do understand, we close off viable resources and there is a chance that deep depression will set in and further damage our abilities to cope.

All of us are in this together. We are bound by a life circumstance that brings us into a very special family. We are the ones who understand our inner most fears. The doctors and medical personnel are a component of our treatment. We need to have the ability to communicate with them and be treated with dignity and respect. I am scheduled for a cystoscopy on the 17th of January. I am very, very afraid and there is really nothing that I can do about it except to ask you all to pray for me and for each of us who are being treated or have lost loved ones.

Please do not shut down. Don't quit and don't let this disease claim another "victim". For Melanie and I, we believe that the Lord does hear and answer our prayers. You may not believe as we do but realize there is a higher principal and a spark that ignites the human spirit. In that belief my wife and I pray for your wellness, peace and understanding. Please take a special moment and tell yourself that you are very special.

God Bless You-Jack And Melanie (Laubsman)

By taking a break from what's burning you out. And that includes "keeping on top of things" and the piles of articles you've been meaning to read. I think we're all susceptible to information and emotional overload, and it sounds like you're at the brink.

In my own life, I started out reading everything I could, subscribing to a news-service that sent me articles on bladder cancer, and in general making it the focus of my daily life.

That ended fairly soon after. I realized I'm not going to practice medicine, I don't need to be an expert on every facet of bladder cancer, and that I really didn't want to define myself by bladder cancer.

You know what I've really enjoyed lately to take my mind off things? I rented Six Feet Under and watched it from beginning to end. It set the bar so high that it's almost impossible to even watch network television now. Both my wife and I felt like crying when we came to the end--that's how much, for almost two months, it became part of our lives. I defy anyone to think about bladder cancer while they're watching it.

Lately I find myself not giving as much thought to my bladder cancer as I used to or think I should. I'm so burnt out from a 9 year history of this disease, over 20 cystoscopies, 3 TURs, 2 courses of BCG so far, conflicting pathology reports, conficting medical opinions, having my original urologist die and having to find another, progression to high grade, etc. In addition to BC, I have at least a dozen other medical conditions to contend with (I was counting them last night when I couldn't sleep...fell back to sleep while counting...good method to use for my chronic insomnia). I do not have any real-life support and have at times had to drive myself to procedures, not sure how I was going to get home because I wasn't allowed to drive myself.

I used to do so much research and try to keep on top of things. Now I have piles of articles I've printed out that I can't make myself read. I'm not even sure what my maintenance BCG schedule is and am not picking up the phone to clarify. I'm burnt out from dealing with screwed up medical bills, conflicting opinions, arrogant doctors, impertinent and incompetent medical office staff, the struggle to constantly make up time at work for all the time I take off for appointments, etc.

I absolutely love it when doctors tell me I need a vacation. I tell them if they didn't take all my disposable income and if my medical issues didn't use up all my paid vacation days from work, maybe someday I could.

Anyone else go through a period like this? How does one recover from burnout? Or does one?

Connie