Ginger,
I don't have friends who want to do free things with me like take walks or sit around my apartment talking and have a simple meal there. I have extended those invitations, but have been turned down. Friends/acquaintances are too busy doing the things I used to do with them - dancing, going out, enjoying numerous activities that cost money or require health and energy. I don't blame them for not wanting to spend what would be boring time with me; after all, they can do what they enjoy, and they should.
Joe,
My greatest fear is not dying; it holds no fear for me. It's the constant diminishing of my life that gets to me. That can happen when one is struggling all the time and without support of anyone close. I put my profile on a dating site. When I listed the things I enjoy (dancing, traveling, hiking) -- things that I can't do anymore -- I got a lot of responses. When I revised the profile to indicate that I was unable to actually pursue most of the things I enjoy, and that I was dealing with some health issues, the responses dropped to near zero (unless you count the guy who told me he had alien friends who took him into outer space and a couple others who seems to be out of touch with reality!)
For me, it's not the cancer itself, or my other health problems themselves, it's the affect they have on my life. I know some people probably can give up their passions and dreams and lifestyle and lose relationships because of illness and STILL be happy and unstressed and not let it get to them. But I haven't been able to do that.
I guess, on the plus side, I have so many other health issues besides cancer that the cancer can't crowd it's way in to become a focus for me.