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16 years 4 months ago #10593 by ConnieOnAQuest
Replied by ConnieOnAQuest on topic New to this
When I was first diagnosed with bladder cancer, it was three weeks after my devastating divorce became final. I'm not sure I went through any stages of grieving at that time regarding the cancer because I was still reeling from the divorce. I got zero support from my family, a little from a friend and acquantances.

My recurrence in 2000 hit me really hard. By then, the "novelty" had worn off for those around me. Support consisted of "Oh, now you're experienced in this, you'll be fine." NOT! To help myself, I attended a support group at the local cancer support center. I went once a week for as long as I felt I needed it. I recommend cancer support groups -- you can express how you feel to people who really understand.

The above two instances of cancer were low grade. Now I'm in the high grade club and am on an emotional roller coaster of unprecedented proportions for me. The support group meets on the same day and near the time of my BCG treatments, so I haven't attended it. Instead I'm in free individual counseling at the support center for now. It may or not help; I don't know, since I just started. But I feel good that I'm doing something to address my feelings.

I guess each person has to do whatever is most helpful for themselves. It's important not to belittle or deny the emotions. They are real and need to be dealt with. I know in my case that I need help with that. I never went through the standard denial/anger/bargaining/depression/acceptance route of grieving with my cancer. This time around it's more like shock-fear-depression-confusion-fear-depression. But I think we're all stronger than we thought we were.

Hang in there.

Connie

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16 years 4 months ago #10588 by Zachary
Replied by Zachary on topic New to this

I'm going to work in a few minutes, but I wanted to give you a couple of my thoughts on this. There are so many things that change our lives forever--our parents dying, a divorce, getting fired, the list goes on. Each is devastating, and each, in time, just becomes part of our history.

Many of us here (I hesitate to say most of us, but that may be true as well) are doing very well with minimal impact on our lives. Of course for a period there was apprehension and pain and fear, but that passes.

Think about what you were worrying about a year ago. You probably aren't worrying about it now. And in a year you won't be worrying about what you're worrying abut at this moment.

So yes, it will impact your life. No one will deny it. But it doesn't have to wreck your life. Look at Rosemary's beautiful smile. Look at Wendy's beautiful smile. Those are the faces of women who have had cancer. I think they're lovely.

Zach

"Standing on my Head"---my chemo journal
T3a Grade 4 N+M0
RC at USC/Norris June 23, 2006 by Dr. John Stein

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16 years 4 months ago #10578 by maxmag
Replied by maxmag on topic New to this
WELCOME KINGADIDA,
KEEP IN MIND THAT THIS IS A TREATABLE DISEASE.I TOO WAS ANGRY,SAD AND
FULL OF FEAR. I GOT TO A POINT WHERE I BECAME RESIGNED TO MY SITUATION.
FOR ME,THIS WAS A GOOD THING
I BEGAN TO RESEARCH...FINDING OUT ALL THAT I COULD ABOUT THIS DISEASE...
GOT MYSELF INTO A POSITIVE MODE.YOU SAID YOU ARE A POSITIVE PERSON..GOOD
STAY THAT WAY..IT HELPS...ABOVE ALL,DON'T DISPAIR.
TO MAKE A LONG STORY SHORT,I HAD 6 BCG TREATMENTS.
HAD FOLLOW UP CYSTO 9-19-07...I WAS CLEAN.
KEEP YOUR CHIN UP...YOUR GOING TO BE ALRIGHT.
GOOD LUCK,
MAX :)



Max
Age 70
Ta G2
Dx March 2007

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16 years 4 months ago #10574 by Stephany
Replied by Stephany on topic New to this




It helps a lot. I tend to be a positive person, practicing the Eastern philosophy of staying present to the moment and realizing the impermanence of things, like my sadness. These practices are being greatly challenged right now, however! Perhaps, another reason it is so hard to be comfortable with the sadness I feel.

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My husband, who had an r/c in July, found a couple of books co-written by the Dalai Lama which were of great help to him. If you're interested, I could pm a couple of titles.

Stephany in Iowa

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16 years 4 months ago #10573 by Rosemary
Replied by Rosemary on topic New to this
Dida,

Perhaps you are having some feelings of victimization because of your cancer. I know I did. Until my Dx, I had always lived with a morbid fear of cancer, and the fear of subsequent feelings of victimization and then, when the Dr. said, "It's Cancer."
I thought, "Well, here it is."

A lot of us have done everything right to avoid the risks of such a cancer , and we see others do everything wrong, and we (or I should say "I") get the cancer and they DON'T.

It's hard to accept this, but in the end, it is what it is.

The invasive part is very difficult also. I don't like it one bit, but what can be done about it?

All in all, I guess we must keep on living, face each day, and help any person or animal who shows up in our path asking for or needing our help.

The emotional part gets easier as we keep on living our lives and see that this cancer has not beat us yet.

Don't know what else to say. Maybe someone else can verbalize this better than me.

Buds,
Rosemary

Rosemary
Age - 55
T1 G3 - Tumor free 2 yrs 3 months
Dx January 2006

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16 years 4 months ago #10572 by Mike
Replied by Mike on topic New to this
Once again thanks to all for you acceptance and understanding. It helps to know others have gone this road ahead of me are standing by while I try to make sense of it all. The part about life changing forever...I think that is the core of my sadness and fear. It is hard to believe these invasive procedures and treatments are going to become a routine part of my life. I think I think too much sometimes but I have been thinking about where I am in the stages of grieving. I am experiencing most of them except the acceptance stage of course. Do you actually get to a point of acceptance? Right now it seems I will never accept it. (Sounds a little angry doesn't it...) When both my parents died a few months apart from each other I thought because I understood the process of grief that I should get through it more easily or more quickly than others but I was sure wrong about that. I had a very difficult time and it took a long time to accept I was without parents. This is all beginning to feel familiar. Thanks for listening.

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