New to this

First, let me say all feelings are appropriate. In life we are not responsible for how we feel - only how we act on those feelings.
Second, Cancer changes everything. At the moment you hear the diagnosis your whole future changes. You don't know how, so you are filled with fear, anger, sadness. It is very emotional. But then, you start treatment, and while there are no guarantees, you start planning for your recovery, and it's a different ballgame than the initial shock.
Third, other people's problems don't diminish the significance of your personal concerns to you. I have a pretty good life, in spite of cancer and other personal issues. As a pediatrician I saw lots of problems that made me appreciate my good life even more, but that made me feel like I had no right to complain. Problem is, that kept me from dealing with my own issues, and in the end it didn't help the people who had things worse. So take good care of yourself, including your emotional well being, because your clients need the happy, healthy you to deal with their problems.

I think your post is most appropriate for this forum. What you are feeling about having bladder cancer is probably similar to what a lot of people felt when they learned that bladder cancer is a lifetime chronic disease that requires them to always be vigilant. It is difficult to switch roles from being a helper to being a patient, it is uncomfortable because we are not used to it. I think you will find that being a "wounded healer" will also inform your practice and sensitize you to some of the medical issues your clients have to deal with.

We are still learning after 7 years how to live with this blasted condition. We never, ever get definitive answers at a doctors visit. We are always left with uncertainty. But as they say in the song, "pick yourself up, dust yourself off and start all over again."
I'm a retired social worker and my husband has CIS diagnosed in 2001.

Well Dida,

I can speak for myself and say that I am certainly glad that you are here!

Thanks so much for sharing with us and I hope you will keep doing so.

Your new bud,
Rosemary

Such quick responses! Thank you all for lending your support. I feel better already. It is a confusing time. I love my work. I am a geriatric social worker/case manager and probably 80% of my clients are Holocaust Survivors, so you can see why it is hard to feel sad for myself in light of the stories I hear every day! But that does not diminish what I'm going through. Maybe I will learn to take care of me through all this and not just others. I am already learning many new things about myself and I haven't been on this path very long.

My cancer is treatable as non-invasive, grade 2. I will probably respond well to my treatments. I had a TURB about 5 weeks ago.

I really appreciate you sharing what it was like when you were first diagnosed. It helps a lot. I tend to be a positive person, practicing the Eastern philosophy of staying present to the moment and realizing the impermanence of things, like my sadness. These practices are being greatly challenged right now, however! Perhaps, another reason it is so hard to be comfortable with the sadness I feel.

Dida,

I thought of something else that I strongly relate to from your original post.

The week after my initial Dx, I was at work, and I came to the overhwelming notion, "I can't do this. I'm going to ask if I can go home." One of my former co-workers in another department had been calling me daily to check up on me and when she called I told her I couldn't make it through the day and I was going home.

Well she immediately hung up with me and called my Mother and told her to tell me to stay at work.

My Mother called and said, "Rose, don't do this. Stay at work."

I stayed at work and it was the right thing to do.

It might be a good idea to schedule your Mitomycin appointments for later in the day. That way this disease does not interfere as much with your normal life and you can attend to business as usual.

Believe me, somedays "business as usual" is the very best therapy.

Best regards,
Rosemary

this is a perfect place for you. I think we all have sad days for the what if's or gee how much more-add on the cost of all the visits etc... very much makes all our heads spin. I can say not just learning about BC but seeing how others are still here and working through this with prayers and all the levels of this cancer you are in the right home for support.
I am glad your here so keep posting your thoughts and by reading other's post and learning some healing comes with this.
WELCOME. star