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Okiegal. I wish there was some way of helping you deal with this, but coming from someone who has been there also I know there are no words.

Please remember to give you mother as much help as you can, but not more than she asks for. My mother wanted to help dad almost all by herself. She felt that if she watched him and paid close attention that she could some how beat cancer.It fiscally
and mentally took its toll on her. When dad passed she was very quiet. She did everything she had to for the funeral, and her children. But mostly she wanted to be alone to grieve.

Be there for her, but remember she wants to be by his side as long as she can, and won't be able to split her time between you and your father. Try to help the others understand if she seems angry, or makes them feel somewhat unwanted. She still loves you, but she feels she needs to be with him right now.

It's so wonderful to see such a strong love for your father from both you and your mother. Your family and you will be in our prayers.

Mark.

Wow! What a terrible situation. My heart goes out your family.
This can be a very nasty disease. Early detection is the key. It really, really is.
In the case of your husband's grandmother and your father, it was clearly not caught early.

So, so sorry.

It's not supposed to run in families but who knows? I think in the case of your family and your husband's family it makes good sense to educate EVERYONE on the symptoms of bladder cancer. Recurrent UTIs, changes in bladder habits (frequency/urgency), or any (even microscopic) traces of blood in urine) are symptoms. If anyone in your family ever gets any of the symptoms it would seem prudent to get a referral to a urologist. Even if it is just to confirm that all is OK.

Here is a quote from the MD Anderson web site about symptoms:
Mike

My Father and Grandma (husbands grandma) were both diagnosed with Bladder Cancer in Summer of 2010. Grandmas was pretty advanced and she did pass in 2010. My Father started chemo that fall after a few surgeries, and then had his bladder and prostate removed in March of 2011. He went through 6 months of harsh chemo and was cleared for 3 months. Just before Christmas they discovered he has a mass in his abdomen, and it has spread to his bones and brain. So they have started him on radiation since he is too weak to have surgery. We found out yesterday that it is also in his lymph nodes. He is pretty much bed ridden, except to shower and go to the Dr. My mom takes excellent care of him...i never have to worry about him. The last 2 weeks he has become quite confused and has alot of hallucinations with no concept of time. His appetite has decreased some as well. He mostly sleeps 20 out of 24 hours a day...except the last 72 hours he has not slept at all. thank you for listening....my heart is breaking.