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7 years 8 months ago #40885 by upnorth
That's really good to hear. :cheer: I hope this is the beginning of you and your mom working together to help your father. It sounds like the lines of communication are open and all is going well for you and your family.

Things should be a little more bearable now, I hope.

Tell your father I wish him the best, and don't ever quit fighting.

Mark

Age 55
Diagnosed BC 12/20/2011 Ta No Mo 0a Non-Invasive At age 48
"Please don't cry because it is over..... Smile because it happened!" {Dr. Seuss} :)

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7 years 8 months ago #40883 by okiegal73
<strong>upnorth wrote:</strong>

Okie, You should go see him as soon as you can. Try to feel out what shape your mother is in also. Remember she is tired and scared so be watchful of your words and actions. We come to help support are families and do so as gently as possible.

Some times just your smile, or getting them coffee without being asked to can go along ways. My mother tells me now 20 years later she remembers me bringing her some coffee and then quietly sitting in the corner reading the paper. She said I would look over the paper and give her a quick smile. It made her feel stronger and more relaxed knowing someone she loved was there and at the ready if she needed them.

I felt as if I was a child who was told to stay out of the way, and keep my mouth shut unless asked. So I just read the paper and waited to be able to do something to help no matter how small.

You see how different my mother and I saw the same situation.

As for your father speak to him as if he was healthy. No man wants to feel weak or unable to help his daughter. Maybe ask his opinion on something in you life. Something to make him feel like a DAD again.

You hang in there. And keep us posted as to how you are doing. You could use a little comfort to, so here's a hug from all of us.
Mark


thank you mark for your kind words.

Mom apologized and told her to forget about it and saw him last night.
We found out the hallucinations and horrible behaivor....was from his hydrocodone....mom did not give him a pill yesterday and he was a whole different person...back to his old self.

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7 years 8 months ago #40882 by GKLINE
Okie

By all means........... Go there. My dad is the caregiver for my mom (alzheimers) and he NEVER wants any help. But My wife and I just Go........... And talk about the weather (or whatever). For us... We feel foolish at times. For him...It takes his mind off if things.
But sometimes........ he needs us. Even for little things. He needs us. Just being there means a lot.
So Go! Don't suffer alone. Don't let your mother suffer alone either.

My sincerest prayer goes out to both of you. This disease be damned!

George

Light a man a fire and he is warm for an evening.
Light a man ON fire and he's warm forever.

08/08/08...RC neo bladder
09/09/09...New Hip
=
New Man! [/size]

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7 years 8 months ago #40876 by upnorth
Okie, You should go see him as soon as you can. Try to feel out what shape your mother is in also. Remember she is tired and scared so be watchful of your words and actions. We come to help support are families and do so as gently as possible.

Some times just your smile, or getting them coffee without being asked to can go along ways. My mother tells me now 20 years later she remembers me bringing her some coffee and then quietly sitting in the corner reading the paper. She said I would look over the paper and give her a quick smile. It made her feel stronger and more relaxed knowing someone she loved was there and at the ready if she needed them.

I felt as if I was a child who was told to stay out of the way, and keep my mouth shut unless asked. So I just read the paper and waited to be able to do something to help no matter how small.

You see how different my mother and I saw the same situation.

As for your father speak to him as if he was healthy. No man wants to feel weak or unable to help his daughter. Maybe ask his opinion on something in you life. Something to make him feel like a DAD again.

You hang in there. And keep us posted as to how you are doing. You could use a little comfort to, so here's a hug from all of us.
Mark

Age 55
Diagnosed BC 12/20/2011 Ta No Mo 0a Non-Invasive At age 48
"Please don't cry because it is over..... Smile because it happened!" {Dr. Seuss} :)

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7 years 8 months ago #40872 by okiegal73
<strong>CatherineH wrote:</strong>

I am so sorry to hear of your father's illness and the loss of your husband's grandmother. Do you have hospice care for him? They can offer much needed help in these very difficult times, both for the patient and family members as well.

{{{Warm hugs to you both}}}


my mom at this point refuses any help whatsoever. i do not offer anything anymore. she has to be in control of everything.
i will however...be there when she finally asks.

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7 years 8 months ago #40871 by okiegal73
<strong>upnorth wrote:</strong>

Okiegal. I wish there was some way of helping you deal with this, but coming from someone who has been there also I know there are no words.

Please remember to give you mother as much help as you can, but not more than she asks for. My mother wanted to help dad almost all by herself. She felt that if she watched him and paid close attention that she could some how beat cancer.It fiscally
and mentally took its toll on her. When dad passed she was very quiet. She did everything she had to for the funeral, and her children. But mostly she wanted to be alone to grieve.

Be there for her, but remember she wants to be by his side as long as she can, and won't be able to split her time between you and your father. Try to help the others understand if she seems angry, or makes them feel somewhat unwanted. She still loves you, but she feels she needs to be with him right now.

It's so wonderful to see such a strong love for your father from both you and your mother. Your family and you will be in our prayers.

Mark.


yes..i am dealing with that right now. she will not answer my calls since 6pm on tues and i am going out of my mind with worry. i plan on going over there today to see him. he is getting worse. he still has not slept and is really having horrible hallucinations.

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