Julieann, you sure are in a difficult place. Most people would think if your Mother won't do chemo that she is throwing in the towel. If she has a different plan she has not shared it with you or anyone else. Nor has she shared her reasons for not doing any more chemo. Not that she has to share with anyone what her thinking is on this. But this leaves everyone guessing as to what her intentions are.
I have known people who have chosen not to have treatment for their cancer. In most cases they felt they had completed their mission here in life and were ready to move on. My Mother-in-law had been a widow for 19 years and felt lonely for all those years she wanted to join her husband. For some people the chemo gains a few months of life and they feel quality of life until the end is important and they don't want the side effects.
Your Mother's reasons remain a mystery. Perhaps you can ask her to share her thinking with you. I don't know if her reasons will make sense to you or anyone else.
What would she do with the information from scans if she had them. Would that information change her refusal of chemo? I don't know that it is up to anyone to tell someone dealing with cancer that they have to do chemo. There are risks to treatment also and no guarantee it will work.
I think you need more information about what your Mother is thinking to evaluate whether she is confused and believes something magical will happen to remove the cancer.
I don't know if/when Dick has more mets show up what he will do regarding chemo. I want him to do whatever might work but that might not be best as far as he is concerned. He wants control of how he dies and does not want to become mentally incapacitated. He may decide that chemo brain is something he doesn't want to experience.
I'm just trying to say I'm not in the same place you are in but somewhere in the same neighborhood struggling with the unknown.
Thank you all. As usual my cyber supporters are right here with me!!! I plan to sit down with Mama this weekend and talk to her about lots of the things you say:
Bloodwork to check B12 etc, a balanced diet, whether SHE wants scans (not what the doctor wants).....what am I forgetting? I think i may print off some of your posts to show her. She definitely hasn't thrown in the towel and it is irritating that the doctor seems to be. Thanks you guys!! Hugs and prayers for each of you!
Julieann -- Does the doctor know that your mother believes that scans done now will show no signs of cancer?
I do think your mama is trying to eat things good for her by choosing fruits and vegetables, but even the strictest diets emphasizing those foods include other foods, too. I concur with the others about that. Is your mama a thin woman to begin with? You may have written about that, but I can't remember. (For me, 9 lb. wouldn't be much.)
I know this has gotta be a very difficult time. Did I ever tell you that my father
refused surgery, chemotherapy, and radiation when he had (lung) cancer? He opted
for support care for existing conditions and symptoms of the cancer only and had
a "do not resuscitate" order in place. He was in his early 80s though -- a difference.
My heart goes out to you (again) and I hope and pray for comfort and peace --
I understand that your mother is refusing treatment with Chemo, but is she refusing all treatment? I suggest you get her a good General Practitioner. He/She will be able to do the blood work, and address other health issues should they arise. She also should see a dietitian, I understand that she is trying to eat healthy but there are other nutrients that her body needs now. Even without treatment, her body is still trying to fight this cancer. She maybe denying it the fuel it needs to do so. Without the proper diet she may feel weak, and create other issues that didn't exist.
I would also tell the Dr that you would like the scans because you want to know how fast or how slow this cancer is progressing. She can demand them. Just because she doesn't want Chemo, doesn't mean that she is just throwing her hands up and surrendering.
Keeping the prayers coming,
Caregiver for my Wonderful Husband Angelo, who has Metastatic Bladder Cancer.
Life isn't about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain.
..."instant dementia"....i love a diagnosis like that..if she's on a strickly fruit and veggie diet i guarantee you she isn't getting enough B l2.......have them check that at least and don't take no for an answer..........geeez.........Pat