scans this week will show no cancer?

Thanks guys!! My daughter's teeth will grow back and now I have had time to put that into perspective. There are much worse things. It was just like I was on the edge and that pushed me over. i know that dentist must have thought I was nuts, because I burst into tears!! It hopefully will help me to try and remember that sometimes people may react certain ways because of OTHER things going on in their lives. I think you all are right about her being hopeful. And heaven knows i hope she is right!! I just hope she at least realizes there is a chance (and i'm sure she does) because I don't want her to be hurt if the results aren't good. I'm not sure why I can't be hopeful. It just seems everytime she goes, it is bad. I appreciate you all so much. This is my outlet. I feel better already having gone to the doctor and just taking steps toward keeping myself healthy. I hope everyone's day is wonderful and blessed!!

Hi Julieann,

Going through what you're going through is extremely hard, being a caregiver is very hard. But it's our job to follow the lead of the person going through cancer. If your mother wants to speak hopefully, be in denial, or whatever...then that's how you should try to proceed.

If she wonders why you're so down, tell her about your daughter's problems. And since your girl is only 4, won't her teeth grow back?

My heart goes out to you, sometimes it's like there is nobody to support the caregiver because the focus is on the patient and it really can take a toll...Sometimes there is just too much burden placed on the family and caregiver and nobody notices. IF that is the case, please let someone know you need more help and try to get it from any source you can.

I didn't take care of my own self while caring for my sister during her fight with breast cancer, I think I didn't even realize how the stress was effecting me at the time but boy...afterwards, when she passed, I caved. You don't have that luxury as you have a child, so you need to do whatever it takes to stay strong. If that means taking something for stress or depression, maybe it's something to consider if it could help. If you can talk to a therapist or social worker connected to the hospital, please consider that or any other avenue.

It's hard. I wish it wasn't so and I hate cancer.
Wendy

Hi Julieann,

I read your post several times, my take on the situation is that your mom is a very strong woman. This is tough stuff to digest. But that said, There are such things as miracles...they do happen...There are times during the progression of this disease that nothing really happens between scans. They could look relatively the same as the ones she had done a few months ago. Then it speeds up again...then slows down again...There have been times where everything stayed the same for months, and then there were times when I looked at my husband a thought, surely he can't take much more of this. The end must be near. Then the next day he would bounce back and it would seem that it was impossible that this man was dying of a terminal illness. I don't think that she is in denial...she is hopeful. That is her role as "Mother". Mothers rarely give up, and surely most will not let their children at any age see them give up hope. She is still trying to be a role model. That is awesome really.... Your job right now is for support. There is really little else for you to do. I suggest just sitting back, and letting her go through this, and when she needs you, she will know you are there to lean on. She should still fell like she is the one steering this ship. This is her way of telling you that. This is affecting you and you should not be afraid to show her that it is. That doesn't mean falling apart, but instead being strong, yet human. Don't go in the other room to cry... she is your mother...she knows that you are in the other room crying...cry with her...let her comfort you sometimes too. I bet she would appreciate the fact that you are hurting, and need your mommy. The terms that I use often are, "I am so sorry that you are going through this", "I am here if you need ANYTHING"...Try your best to be on the positive side too. It can only help the situation...This does not mean that you are unrealistic...it means that you want to make the best out of a terrible situation. You want to enjoy every minute together. Help her create a "Bucket List" and see if you and the rest of your family can make any of those things happen.

Julieann, I want you to make sure that you don't forget that you are a wife and mother too. Spend quality time with your spouse, they are sometimes neglected during this time. It is easy to go through the motions of being wife and mother, almost like a robot. It is important to still engage with your children too. You are going to need them all to lean on...be sure that you are nurturing those relationships.

I am here if you need me,
Karen

Julieann, I hope you are getting sufficient rest. I can understand you crying for 30 minutes in the Dr. office with the news you received. When my daughter fell and knocked out a tooth 10 months I cried and cried but part of it was I was alone because my husband was in Ohio for his fathers funeral. It is never just one thing it is everything. And yes it is OK that some of this is about you. It's about anyone who is connected to your Mother.

It does sound to me like your Mother may be going through the stages of grieving and is at denial. People grieve in advance for their death when they are forewarned like she is. Processing the information will take as long as it takes and cannot be rushed. I don't think you have to be the one to be realistic with your Mother just help yourself to be able to be present with her as she goes through this. Julie

HI, Julieann -- I sent you a PM, but I do want to say that I think you might want to wait for the results and make sure someone else in the family goes to the appointment where your mama hears the results. Others may have different perspectives, of course. With Love, Susan

So Mama gets more scans on Thursday. She informed me today that she is anxious because she is sure that it has not spread. In fact, she thinks they will see no signs of cancer at all. What? I mean that would be great, but lets be realistic. I went to the doc today and sat in her office and cried for 30 minutes. My 4 year old has very soft teeth (so they call them) and has a gum infection. She needs her two front teeth taken out. That sent me over the edge. She will be toothless forever! Along with stuff for a sinus infection, she gave me some medicine to help me with my anxiety right now. I have too much on my plate ( not to make it sound like this is about ME.) It's just hard you know? Should I talk to her about the scans? That maybe they won't be good? Or should I just let it go? Susan, your input here would be great.