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12 years 2 months ago #14449 by cheryls
thank you everyone! i would just like to offer everyone who has said such loving words to me and my sister to log on to virtual-memorials and put in deborah stevens name! it may show a little bit about how much my mom is missed! it might even be somewhere for anyone out there to use as a place to give a little memorial to those you may have lost!

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12 years 2 months ago #14420 by Renee
Hi Cheryl,
It is really hard right now, and you are really sad. Losing a person you loved is very difficult. I lost my husband more than a year ago and although I am doing better, I am still grieving. I had my bouts of despair and guilt. There are many things that I would liked to have done differently, but I did them with the knowledge I had at that time.

This is a difficult period and with time it will mellow. Of course, yor kids will notice that you are sad... is that bad? Talk to them about it, they understand. Your children will also help you sometimes to "forget" your loss and grieving and give you some relief, be open for that. Try to take it one step at a time and follow your intuition. Take time to cry and remember your mom, may be after the kids are in bed. I don't know if all this advise helps, I remember that I felt that nobody understood the pain and sorrow. I went to many grief counseling groups and I found them most helpful. May be there is one in your area you may wish to attend after a while, wait a few months though.
I wish you lots of warmth, and a big hug in this difficult time.

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12 years 2 months ago #14402 by Heenan
Hi Cheryl -

I am also new to this dad was just diagnosed on 1/23/08. (You can read my story on "Newly Diagnosed" forum under "My dad's story") I just wanted to add my encouraging words...

One of my favorite quotes is: "Fake it until you feel it." You might not think it is working, but trust me, it is.

I have also been blessed with a chronic illness called scleroderma. It is a progressive illness that causes much pain and inconvenience as compared to a "normal" life. I was diagnosed when I was 22 and told that dependent on the type that I had, that I might live 5-7 yrs or I might live a long and happy life...but no guarantees (as if anyone's life has any?) Well, I am 14 yrs post diagnosis and I am still here and I am a better person for being blessed with scleroderma. Many days I have had to "Fake it until I feel it." And it works, I have come through some very tough times and I remain an inspiration to many in the scleroderma community as I am the leader of the support group here in Omaha, NE. Now - I face the challenge of my dad's bladder cancer-T3N2MX. My dad is 63 and I am not ready to lose him. However, I find comfort in knowing God will not give me more than I can bear - he allows these tribulations to happen to the strong ones, because He knows we can handle the burdens. Stay strong and be an inspiration to your children. Right now you are teaching them lessons that you have no idea you are - and that is how to love and miss your parent after they're gone, but to also LIVE with their memory. Be strong and continue to "Fake it until you feel it!"

I hope that you find my words encouraging and not too much of a "soap-box" - this is my genuine thoughts and prayers are with you and your family during this difficult time, I am so sorry that you have lost your mom.
With love,
Barb Heenan

"Live a good life...and in the end it is not the years in a life, but the life in the years."
*Abraham Lincoln

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12 years 2 months ago #14400 by cheryls
thank you for that momof4! i do know that if i had to choose i would with out a doubt choose to have had my mom for the time i did than to not! i relize what people are saying, that its all part of a greiving process, but what if it seems as if things will never be okay! the one thing that would make it, would be the impossible! they say it will never be the same, you just learn to live! the thing is,,, i to like you have 4 kids! i love them dearly and i want a happy life 4 them, yet how do i give them that when i dont think i will ever be a happy person again! i love them and try to fake it 4 them, but i feel they can tell!

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12 years 2 months ago #14390 by momof4
Cheryl, my mother told me the following. It is a quote from unknown author:

"We are all made up of a tapestry created by God. The problem is we can only see the back side of the tapestry with all of the knots, strings, and the picture doesn't make sense. But the Lord knows what he is creating, and the other side of the tapestry is the most beautiful thing imaginable. Each of us are an intricate part of that tapestry and with out those special people that seem to suffer so greatly, or those that come into and go out of our lives too quickly, it wouldn't make the wondrous picture that it is".

You are in my prayers, & remember that questions are part of the greiving process too.

Caregiver for my Wonderful Husband Angelo, who has Metastatic Bladder Cancer.

Life isn't about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain.

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12 years 2 months ago #14381 by cheryls
thank you 4 everyones kind words! i know deep down that you are all right, its just very hard to live with the thought that there are so many people out there dealing with this horrible disease and maybe just maybe i could have helped my mother more! my sister was wonderful though, she wanted to find a cure! what i would give to get back my mommy! she was the most wonderful lady! she loved with everything she had, and i see that in alot of everyones responses! so my question, why is this disease hurting the lives of such great families? there are people out there who dont even talk to there family members, there are drug addicts who are killing themselves, there are killers and child molesters out there doing the unthinkables,,, so why the lives of such great families???

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