i want to fight a good fight; i am afraid; i feel alone; i have faith

16 years 3 months ago #11299 by mssmr
i'm a newbie today; a volunteer at my church helped me find this forum. my bladder cancer has spread to my liver and lungs, maybe a bone. i was supposed to have a radical cystectomy today, but we cancelled it after the mri report. Now, I'm getting
chemotherapy (taxol and genzar) MVAC didn't work for me. Radiation did shrink my
primairy tumor.

the thing that bothers me especially is that i see other patients being recommended for drugs not approved for their specific cancer or for clinical trials, etc -- medical people "going to bat" for them but not me. I am told my case is "difficult" because of the late stage of discovery, the sarcomatoid varient, and now the spreading. I know it is difficult -- I just want to be seen as important enough to
try maximally to help.

i feel well (most days) and am working as a college teacher. I am trying to finish up some writing projects and stay warmly engaged with loved ones. I just do not know how to indicate that I want maximal information and that I feel disrespected as a person wanting to fight a maximal fight.

thank you for any response -- mssmr

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