Definitely not for the prudish, but hilarious nonetheless.
This is from the novel "Falstaff" by the poet Robert Nye. One of my all time favorite books and one of William Shakespeare's greatest characters. I hope you find it as humorous as I do....especially considering the situation most of us find ourselves in.....
"...in those dandied days it was my duty to satisfy seven French Matrons a night, and still I couldn't get my cock down with both hands. But this is why I had you called, Friar Brackley . Father, I've a confession to make. A moment of truth. An instant of self-knowledge in an aging soul. Just yesterday, at the end of our New Year revels, I woke up in the morning and took stock of my stick and you know what? I realized that now I can push it down with both hands. Indeed, I'll tell you the truth, I can just about push it down with one hand. That's why I've called for you. A simple question.
Father, do you think I'm getting stronger?"