Ramblings

Only the strong survive and one day mother nature will check us all out with something it's called life. Joe

:o MY, MY!!! :o

I found this interesting bit of info in a book about Kit Carson, "Blood and Thunder", by Hampton Sides. It was a discussion about the demeanor of President James K. Polk:

"Perhaps Polk's dour nature had something to do with the excrutiating medical condition he long suffered from as a teenager...Polk was diagnosed with urinary stones...was taken by horsedrawn ambulance to a famous Kentucky physician, Dr. Ephraim McDowell, and there underwent what was then a state-of-art surgery. With nothing more than brandy...the future president was strapped naked to an operating table with his legs hosted high in the air. Dr. McDowell bored through the prostate and into the bladder with a medieval-looking tool called a 'gorget'. The stones were successfully removed, but the operation is thought to have left Polk sterile and impotent. Polk's biographer thought that 'Polk became a man on the Dr's operating table, and were evidences of the courage, grit, and unyeilding iron that the whigs, british crown, and mexican army would encounter once he became president."

You see, it could always be worse, it could be 1813!!!

With respect, I think in this situation it may serve you to learn about path reports too. I'd certainly want to know how possible that "possible invasion" of the prostate was. I think an ability to read people is great and incredibly useful but, in my experience with bladder cancer, it's easy to get back a distorted view when you're this emotionally raw and dealing with all you have to deal with.

All in all, though, it sounds like you're in the same boat as a lot of people here, me included. I did lose my bladder and, though it wasn't the greatest experience of my life, it beats the alternative and is possible to adjust to with a high degree of satisfaction, as I have. Sure, there are lifestyle changes that need to be addressed but many people have. I see myself as exactly the same as before my op in the ways that really matter. Im slightly younger than you. That said, I hope the BCG works out for you. If it doesn't please use this site to guide you through whatever you have to deal with. Even if it does this is a great resource for your ongoing treatment.

I don't think you're being paid back for a charmed life here, by the way. Bladder cancer/mother nature, in my view, doesn't discriminate like that. It's the great leveller. Its not caught but conjured from within. It affects all manner of people; good, bad, rich, poor, blessed, unlucky, young, old. It doesn't care. It's not your fault.

The mood swings are tough to deal with. You say you have therapists in your family. Are you taking any kind of counselling or discussing this with people/loved ones? Or are you taking anything for the swings? I think it always pays to take a positive position on your treatment if you can. There's always every reason to be hopeful even in the direst of circumstances. It'll help your daughter deal with it. But mainly you should do all of this for you. Everyone else will be stronger automatically if you do.

Regs

Tim

Yes I’m angry but that is something I can work with.  The mood swings are killing me. When I think about my 16 year old daughter losing me the sadness and guilt is overwhelming, nonproductive, and detrimental. It is better to stay angry with hope that one day I can get back that wild child druid trucking through life I once was (at least for alittle while). I can’t believe Mother Nature wants to take me out like this, and nobody wants to talk about the end stage of this but from what I have observed so far I think I’d prefer to give Mother Nature a few more options. Is this payback for being absolutely charmed and blessed all my life? Fish lined up to grab my hook when nobody else was catching anything. Birds flew in from heaven and game materialized in the fog. Storms abated and gave little windows of opportunity to get fire and shelter before hypothermia set in. Drowned bedraggled near frozen young maidens appeared on wilderness river banks nymphishly dancing and waving Begging for fire and bourbon, not to notice the satyr amoungst them till the fire and bourbon had worked it’s warm magic, And lit up the twinkle in my eyes. .  Nasty days turned palatable with the punch of a time card. My seed fought its way through 3 forms of birth control to give me the love of my life. And all my other animals also thrived and prospered. I thought I was being a good child; canoes sailboats and feet no smelly loud motors only one electric for fishing and a very environmentally friendly scooter instead of a car. I gave you so many chances to squish me, drown me, freeze me, burn me, or eat me up. I can't believe your a Bitch and going to do me like this! 

Being a shrink’s son I read people well not path reports or metric. It said something about 2 places one I remember converting to 1in x ¾ in x ½ in from the 8 0clook to the one o’clock position.  With possible invasion of the prostate. I like my Doctor He is good to my Mother and his staff is good with me. He was comforting to her when he tactfully assured her that I would outlive her and gave me a look that said “I want your bladder , prostate , balls and anything else you got down there. “ He only mentioned the “C’ word when pressed by my mother for a final diagnosis and only after her being reassured that with treatment I would be mourning at her funeral.  The second opinion was a formality to make sure it wasn’t a dire mistake to wait and hope for a miracle with the BCG. And introduce me to the thief that would be robbing me of my pieces parts. My Doctor only charged me 200$ for his rotoreutering and said he thinks and hopes he got it all ; While the hospital charged for a few hours work more than 1/3 what I make in a year and more than I can save in five. His staff of women folk will never let him retire and will work him to the grave. During the ultrasound I caught a chill and started my windowless room process when I began to notice her particular interest in a place. I should have been insulted to be talked to calm and sweetly, motherly like you would to a small child by a young women at least 20 years my junior. But she helped me squash the panic attack

I have 5 more BCG’s then a poke look and scrape. This I’m willing to go for out of love for my daughter, which is amazing since I’ve never let Doctors catch nothing but glimpses of me my whole life

wow. you've sure nailed the post-cystoscopy blues there! I can relate to the "fiery penis" and the other stuff you mentioned. It's tough and a half to have your bits meddled with in this way for sure. But what's your story? You're on BCG, what grade and stage of disease are you dealing with?

You sound pretty angry. I'm sure the medics are trying to help in their way but, yep, I often get the feeling that you just become a bit of meat when the anaesthetic kicks in. And the fact that you can't respond with an "ouch" may make it hard for them to tell when their doing you some harm. there's a shedload of information about bladder cancer here and lots of nice people to help you. please tell us more about your situation.



Regs

Tim