I concur with the above comments. Depression is insidious, can be very serious and may need medical treatment. I have spent years depressed, much of it associated with physical discomfort due to what I found out was undiagnosed BC. But an interesting thing has happened since I was diagnosed and treated – I’m not depressed anymore. I ascribe it to having to confront this disease, the possibility that it had advanced to an untreatable level and the personal reflection that lead me to decide if I was going to engage and fight it or not.
Having my catheter out was one of the worst experiences I ever had; at a time when I didn’t think things could get worse. But it’s hopefully also the main transitional point between treatment and recovery.
For me having my catheter removed was the apex of a painful, demoralizing, depressing and simply brutal process. This is the point where the bandages come off and the physicality of being a man changes - the old body is gone and you’re not exactly sure what’s left. I was filled (and still am) with questions: to what extent will I recover, gain strength, virility, vitality, how will I become a man again with essential functions possibly gone and pieces missing? The bottom line is; this is a huge change in a short amount of time. Change is inevitable, but so much so quickly is a shock.
Self catheterization is an all time low in terms of self image. With pain, scars, weight loss and weakness keeping it company.
I was so weak I rarely got out of bed for two months (after getting out of the hospital), I was beginning to loose faith. But I can tell you the body heals and hopefully within month’s things get much better. I didn’t believe it, but it’s finally happening. As far as the broader picture, all things considered, I feel lucky. Although this operation seems almost medieval, it has a very high success rate.
For me it boils down to quality of life – I would not opt to stay alive at any cost. As far as cancer goes, so far, I’ve gotten off pretty easy, I know that first hand. Everyone has to come to this understanding individually - for me life is definitely worth living. I’ve spent years feeling depressed, (for all kinds of reasons) now that seem foolish.