Hi Jamie,
I don't have an external pouch--I had RC Surgery in Feb. and have a NeoBladder, but I can understand your father's feelings. No option of Bladder Cancer is perfect, but the alternative is worse yet.
Even with the NeoBladder, I wear Depends for leakage so my life isn't quite what it was. I do thank God that my BC was caught early enough to have an option of bladder removal.
I had been fighting this for 5 1/2 years with mulitple TUR/BT's and rounds and rounds of immuno-therapy.
Before going in to surgery I had an Ostomy nurse mark the site of an external opening--just in case. She asked me how I wear my clothes and where I think it would be convenient for me to have it so that it wouldn't interfere with my clothing and so that I could care for it. Maybe if your Dad would talk to the doctor and to an Ostomy nurse, they could set his mind at ease.
This life is too good to leave it and Cancer is one of the worst ways to end it. Tell you Dad that, even thought it is a scary situation, it is sooo much better than dying of Cancer.
You and you Father are in my prayers,
Ellen