Ginger,
I really feel for you today. Your post made me cry. I keep remembering "How it was", I guess some of that is gone forever, that care free attitude just got slapped away. When we found out about the cancer, the wind was taken out of our sails. There we were, stuck in the middle of the ocean. Now with the uncertainty of time ( and in your case the outcome of surgery), we have resorted to paddles, and it is really exhausting! To be in the huge ocean with just a row boat. The waves keep crashing into the boat, the big storm has arrived, we sometimes feel like our "Boat" is going to capsize. Then the storm settles, the skies clear a bit, but we are forever aware that another storm can kick up at anytime. The care free days are gone now, maybe forever, who knows...but for me I am going to go up on deck and enjoy the sunshine alttle today, But I will always keep one eye open checking for the storm...I guess that is how cancer changes you...maybe in a good way....we have no choice but to slow our lives down, and take stock in what is really important.
You both are in my thoughts, I hope tomorrow is a bright, bright, bright, sun shiney day.
Love,
Karen