Thanks Danielle for your kind words. My brother and I were talking today and realize that the doctors so far (urologist and oncologist) have only really spoken to us about the options of "doing nothing" or "doing everything"(meaning chemo and then surgery.) I'm going to talk to mom this weekend and see if we can meet with the doctor again to find out if there are any middle options that might let her continue living life as she has been under the chemo and with bladder checks - instead of opting for the surgery - which we really think would be a terrible change in quality of life for her, and would make her really unhappy. We just need more information I think. Thank you again for the support. I helps being able to come here and speak to people who really understand. mary
Mary Dear, my heart goes out to you. I know how sad you must be feeling inside. You are a great support to your Mother and she is so lucky to have such a caring family around to support her through this very difficult time....
I've learned more than I ever wanted to know about bladder cancer since Mom's diagnosis, and I've found the folks here so nice, supportive, and helpful. I know no one can really make decisions for mom. Not even her own children. We're just all trying to think about the surgery being as informed as possible. So far, I haven't read of anyone over 80 who has had the surgery, but am learning that even for people much younger, it was quite an ordeal. I won't be going anywhere. Even for support, this is a wonderful place to come. And when we are talking about moms - well there are no more special people in the world to us. I can't imagine life without her in it, so this has been especially difficult for me. As soon as she was diagnosed and several times since then, she has encouraged us children to "be cheerful." I always am when going with her to chemo or blood transfusions - but it's killing me inside and is breaking my heart. Thanks for the support. Mary
7 years 8 months ago - 7 years 8 months ago#42981by motomike
I took several days of thought and recalling my after surgery recovery before posting to you. I should also point out that my Mom is 95 and still filling me with good Irish cooking when I visit and of course telling me how to run my life!
If I were in my 80’s I’m not so sure I would give the go ahead to surgery. Life is full of difficult decisions and this will probably be one of the most difficult. We may not be much help in your decision-making; you must remember that we are here and will support you in any direction chosen.
I'm 70, retired heat/air contractor. After 4 months of keymo ileal conduit (IC) surgery removed bladder & prostate May 2010
Last edit: 7 years 8 months ago by motomike. Reason: misplaced humor
Thanks Danielle - We have a family consultation a month prior to when he's scheduled surgery (December) and we'll see what all the alternatives are then. Thank you for your honesty - that's what we need to hear now. Mary
Thanks Mike. Good information to have, and I think Mom would like to know this. The surgery scares mom, me, and my brothers and sister. I just don't understand a doctor would suggest this if they didn't see a positive outcome. However, we do have a family consultation a month prior to surgery, so I think the many questions we have will be answered then. Mary