Dad can\'t have RC

Thanks for your kind words and encouragement...it is just such a helpless feeling. The chemo is making him so very weak, not sure but he may get a blood transfusion tomorrow. We need to discuss palliative care, there is a group of physicians nearby who specialize in it, and they will be involved even if someone is still taking treatment. Best to all, thanks again for taking time to reply. It does help to not feel so alone on this journey. I will keep checking in, glad to have found this site.
~Amy

The best thing really is to speak with the doctors about it.

I know some folks think people should do everything possible even if it is just for a few more weeks of time. I'm not really one of those folks. My guess is that at 84, there are other health issues and going through a surgery like this would either be too risky or generally pointless.

If it is already spread locally, then chemo is already in order and getting an RC just makes life more complicated. If the doc thinks it isn't really going to extend his life anyway, then someone needs to discuss why he's even on chemo then. The doctor should be able to walk you (and him) through the pros and cons of doing the chemo and what the tradeoffs are.

Your dad may have to sign a release for the doctor to speak with you about it but you should get involved. Get the doctor's sense of the timing (general prognosis), how to know when he's moving from one phase to another and what to expect. At some point, palliative care is going to be the main thing. That is, pain management. Another thing to look into, depending on the prognosis, is hospice care. They are experts.

Sorry if my response seems clinical. I understand that this is a terrible time for him, you, and the rest of the family. It's terribly overwhelming and likely nobody who has spoken to the doctor heard more than a third of what was said. It's a scary time and emotions can really run wild.

Keep us in the loop. We don't know or understand everything but we've all thought about the potential of bladder cancer taking us out. We don't want to let that happen and we've each done all we can and we've also studied a lot because to know the enemy is important in defeating the enemy. However, sometimes in an ambush situation the only way to win is by having grace and poise under fire.

Mike

Hi,

I am sorry to hear about your father. I know what its like when you feel helpless after hearing this. But have the doctors talked to him or you about what the drugs are going to, or not, to do for him?

I realize it is Chemo. and they don't feel he is strong enough to do an RC. But what have they said as far as what there treatment plan is. Talk to the doctor yourself if you can, and explain to him/her that you don't understand what is going to happen next. I'm sure they will help you out.

I wish I had more information for you. But before you say it can't be cured lets get a doctor to help you understand why. If you have any doubt at all get a second opinion.

I know too well the path you are walking.

Please keep us posted on how things progress.

Mark

My father is 84 years old and was diagnosed with invasive, high grade, locally advanced BC in March. Due to numerous other medical issues he is not a candidate for RC. His oncologist has him on Gemzar/carboplatin, though the urologist says this isn't likely extending his life. He has had two TURBs because of bleeding/clots clogging his urethra, which is EXTREMELY painful. My sister and I just have no idea what to do for him....he is a spunky, sociable guy who is becoming more and more fearful and overwhelmed. No doctor types have told him or us what to expect on this journey, we know this can't be cured, but beyond that we are lacking info on likely things to expect, what his needs will be, etc. he lives alone and really wants to stay independent as long as possible. Anyone with experience with this situation? Any info or insights would be welcomed!