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What can the kids expect?

7 years 7 months ago #41299 by upnorth
Good Job! Pam and Ben.

Age 55
Diagnosed BC 12/20/2011 Ta No Mo 0a Non-Invasive At age 48
"Please don't cry because it is over..... Smile because it happened!" {Dr. Seuss} :)

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7 years 7 months ago #41291 by MyChoice
Thanks everyone for the great advice. I have started informing and involving them now. It seems to have reduced the tention in the house. It was hard for me and my wife to have to watch what we said. We wanted to make sure what the plan was before saying anything so it has all come together now. Thanks

PC 7/2/12
T3a/N2/M0

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7 years 7 months ago - 7 years 7 months ago #41281 by SailorMan
I would suggest involving the kids in helping you when you are newly home. They can walk with you and yes, just like in the hospital, walking is very important and having someone with you is a good thing. They can also fetch you the remote, a drink, etc and it will be good for them to feel part of helping you. You can set up a watchbill for them and it will make them feel very adult.

My kids were older at the time, the oldest was living in Korea at the time and missed it all, the second was finishing his plebe year at USNA and the youngest spent most of the year doing her junior year in High School in Greece so in general it was just my wife and I. The one at USNA wanted to help and as the following year went on, he came up whenever he could to do yard work and otherwise assist.

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7 years 7 months ago #41209 by MyChoice
Holly, Sara Anne, Mark,

Thanks so much for the heart felt advic\\ce, We take all of it in. I worry most about our autistic child because he will be mostly unaware until I come home and then he will be stressed about what is wrong with dad. We will make it work for the best, thats what we do. Thank you guys!

PC 7/2/12
T3a/N2/M0

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7 years 7 months ago #41207 by upnorth
Ben, You are going to teach your children how to handle situations like this. Show them to not fear cancer but to try and understand its processes.

Let them help you along the way so that they feel apart of your recovery. This can be any small act you feel they can handle well. This may seem small and not very important to you, but to them they will always remember how they helped Dad get through recovery.

As a father we have to teach our children many things. Cancer is a nasty lesson to learn, but just think of this, what you teach them now may someday save thier lives.

I know this well. I lost my father to BC 20 years ago. But what he taught me was to pay attention to my body and get help while there is still a chance.

He may have died, but last Christmas he gave me the greatest gift of all. LIFE.

I had my first TURB done then, and things look real good for me now.

I hope this helps. Mark

Age 55
Diagnosed BC 12/20/2011 Ta No Mo 0a Non-Invasive At age 48
"Please don't cry because it is over..... Smile because it happened!" {Dr. Seuss} :)

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7 years 7 months ago #41206 by sara.anne
I would only second what Holly said that children "will fear most what you don't tell them." They will know that there is stress and uncertainty. Of course, you know your children better than anyone else, but it is probably best that you share the situation with them, in an age-appropriate manner.

They could be told that you have a cancer that is fortunately very curable. that you will be having some surgery to remove the bladder and the cancer. that this will probably cure it forever. that you will be learning to pee all over again just like when they were little....

Let them share your small victories....

Best of luck to you, and cherish those kids!!

Sara Anne

Diagnosis 2-08 Small papillary TCC; CIS
BCG; BCG maintenance
Vice-President, American Bladder Cancer Society
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