Guilt

What can I add to this wonderful thread. We are ALL feeling guilty. I sometimes feel that is the reason I watch this site. I feel so guilty for having gone through the gauntlet and energed alive and "relatively" normal. I look at this site as a way of helping others and coping with, what I call "cancer Lite" Even though I went through 2 surgeries and then Radical Replumbing, I still feel sooooo guilty about how well I have come back.

My wife and I have discussed this Guilt thing quite a bit. I lost a cousin 3 months ago to mealnoma that was only diagnosed a month before her death. She was so concerned about me and my recovery, and then, she was gone. Guilt!

I have been very vocal about my illness, to my friends, and family and to the community. My father has been slightly horrified about my frankness and willingness to talk about something so personal. I guess that is my mission in this cancer thing. (I refuse to use a capital c).

Should we feel guilty about being alive and living a normal life? I hope not. I guess we can serve as an example of hope. An example of caring. And an example of publicity of a very private and personal illness.

I was at a party a few days ago, when a friend came to me and said he had had prostate surgery a year ago and told no one. He is a very high level educator and was having depression related to the illness. He was diagnosed, robotically cured , and sent home. Physically he was fine, but it dragged on him that he had no support group. He came to me and we talked about how this all affected him. We are now a support group for each other.(in secret) But, I keep blabbing the whole story around, hoping to let people know that there is no guilt in this disease. There can be NO Guilt in a WAR. We are surely AT WAR.

Keep Living..... Be an example of hope.... And YES, we will continue to feel guilty.

I attend an Episcapal Church, Raised Roman Catholic. My friend calls it Catholic Lite,...."All the ceremony, None of the Guilt"

I still feel very Guilty... even as I try to tell you not to.

George Kline

Webs:

I hope you are feeling lighter today. You can't be everything for everyone and you should take comfort in knowing you have helped many (me included and I am a new member here!) The larger our circle of friends and loved ones, the more people we know that can have bad things happen to them.

I am still in the front end of this bladder cancer battle so I am still on the receiving end of support and love from my friends and family, and I have tried to work through the guilt I feel for causing such a disruption to my children, husband, and three sets of parents.

Anyway, hope you are having a better day today.

Charlotte, I am thankful you are a survivor, I am thankful for all the survivors here. I am immensely grateful for our friends who while undergoing their own struggles with cancer kept in touch. Some sent cards, a few phone calls, to let us know they were thinking of us. It isn't what is said it's it is making the connection. Still I have had what I call compassion fatigue. I have been available and when one more person tells me their bad news I wonder how I can be there for them when I feel like I have reached my limit. I remind myself that I do what I can and that some people are going to get more of my time and attention because I have to know my limits.

Guilt is one of those words I am trying to remove from my vocabulary as it doesn't seem like a very good motivator for good and just makes people feel bad. Celebrate life! My stream of consciousness for the evening. Julie

Hey, I'm with Diane and the others...don't be so hard on yourself....you have been very caring and compassionate with so many others...we can only spread ourselves so far...and when we get tired, or we just don't know what to say, it's best to say nothing....in fact, it's OK to say nothing. Some of those times, the other person really doesn't want us to say anything at all...they are just sounding out.

If you are a person of faith, ask the Creator to remove this sense of guilt from you...it's too heavy a burden to carry around with us...and keeps us from being fully in the moment of today. You can do it. Hugs, Melodie

Thank you all. I know that you are right, but at 1am it is hard to reason with yourself. When I write something out it usually allows me to sleep after. Thank you for being there.

Webs

Oh My - this is such an emotional thread that will be felt by everyone who reads it. It does seem that this disease - or any disease - brings much guilt. Guilty for your family's worries; guilty because you think of yourself more than ever before; guilty because of the loss of closeness to your spouse, family and friends.....guilt, guilt, guilt. Sometimes makes it hard to "be happy you're alive", doesn't it?

Still, despite the guilt, life goes on (thank goodness!) and we are thankful for each day. I'm also thankful that there are so many who contribute to this forum with their unique understanding of the emotions we, the patients, experience everyday.

Thanks for putting it in writing!
Sandy