It’s always something---what’s behind curtain #3

Well the tests have been reviewed, first and second opinions obtained and the word came down from Chicago today. “Removal of the left kidney and ureter, the kidney functions poorly and I am concerned about the possibility of urothelial cancer in the left kidney and ureter.” Not what we wanted to hear but as life tends to do we heard it anyway. So I am the proud owner of a broken kidney that may or may be cancerous with a completely blocked ureter that may or may not be cancerous. After weighing the options it seems the only real option at this point.

So how do I feel about that I mean after the panic attack went away that is. Mad really really mad, kick the wall and yell at something mad. I don’t want to be doing this anymore I think if life was fair it would all just go away. People are always telling me how brave I am and I always smile and think if they only knew the truth. I am scared, scared of the pain, scared of the future, scared of running out of parts that I can somehow do without. What they see as brave is doing what we have to do to get through to the other side or well or the new normal. When faced with serious illness we can either take plan a or plan b. Plan a is to fight and do what we have to do and plan b is to do nothing. I always take plan a as plan b scares me even more than plan a. So if not brave what does that make us? It makes us survivors……..sometimes surviving to fight another day. Survivors fall down and they keep getting up and not only that they find a way to keep going forward doing what has to be done. I have gotten to the place I like being called a survivor to me we are strong resilient people not a bad thing to be I should think.

We will be leaving for Chicago on Jan. 25th surgery the 29th and will be back we hope by the week of Feb. 10th. While we are there I will have internet and work as much as I can. I will be recruiting a few of you to give me a hand around here to keep the place running smoothly. And the rest of our wonderful board will be here to help also. And I promise to keep you updated maybe blog a bit as I go along. And then when I am healed we are going to double our efforts to get the word out about blc and making sure that no one has to go through this alone. I am sure glad I don’t have to.

Chin up and straight forward