Hi, Nancy!
Since I am primarily a lurker on this site, few people know me but I feel compelled to respond to your request for a woman's view of "the bag" (tho I have learned that "pouch" is the correct terminology which I think has helped my attitude tremendously.) I too found the pouch my only choice and would like to assure you that it is not a bad choice at all.
I have been lucky in that I never had a problem finding the right pouch and I do find a peculiar satisfaction is being able to stand to empty and love actually being able to sleep thru the night!
It seems we are close in age and I do understand all the doubts and fears that you have and will have. It has been almost a year since my surgery and I still have a hard time believing what has happened to me.
My husband has been totally dedicated to keeping me well and continuing to love me. The pouch does not bother him at all and I am sure I am more confident for it.
Please email me if I can be of any help as you go along this journey, Nancy. It's never fun but always necessary........