I'm having a radical cystectomy in two weeks. It's being done by a surgical oncologist at a cancer hospital. I think that's the best situation if you can possibly do it; they have plenty of experience and support doing the surgery.
In addition to this site, cancer.gov has a lot of useful information.
Oh yes, there are many women out here who have faced or are facing a cystectomy. This is a very new board, it hasn't been announced yet to our main group which is an email discussion list, you can find it on the front page of WebCafe. We have about 600 members and share up to 30 emails a day, it's a wonderful supportive, well educated group. If you need immediate input, perhaps that's a better place until this board becomes more well known and used.
What kind of surgery are you looking at? Have you thought about consulting a uro-oncologist for a second opionion and to discuss your options, it's always a good idea to talk to a specialist when it's about cancer.