I can't tell you how many times I have felt bad about what people have said to me since Gene started this b/c surgery. I don't know what they are thinking!!!
But I can tell you this, I take it for what it was worth and drop it. In our case Gene is now 175 pounds(AFTER SURGERY 150) and looking back to normal, all muscle tone is back.. I encourage him to smile about anything, watch a funny movie, or just watch me going thru my daily routine which can be very funny. In another sense be prepared for those comments from others, and be answer ready!!!!! You are short of 2 months from surgery, it will get better, blow it off!!! SHE WAS WRONG, and you are doing great!!!! Invite her to lunch in 2 months, show her your back to business,,,,,Ginger Beane
Hospital Cleveland Clinic r/c Sept.14,2007
Surgeon. Dr Stephen Campbell and Gill
Gene Beane..66 Ford Motor Company
Engineer, retired Vietnam Vet
I read your post while I was on my lunch hour yesterday and it quite upset me.
I'm not so sure that having lunch with "friends" is all that it's cracked up to be. I don't know how you kept from choking on your food.
Whether we all would like to take this scenario, glam it over and say that your friends' "comments" were well intentioned, they were neverthless preposterously ill-gotten. I percieve them as being a means of making HER feel better and had nothing to do with you at all.
Shame on her.
Gotta go to work
Age - 55
T1 G3 - Tumor free 2 yrs 3 months
Dx January 2006
You are doing just fine! The anxious momemnts, the fear, the crying...all very, very normal responses given your situation. So many of us have been there and done that, and in fact, some of us still have days like that where we just feel beat down. We can't feel strong and fierce every day.
I'm sure your friend didn't mean to upset you; I know why you held your emotions back but perhaps it would have been better if she had seen you cry...then she could have learned perhaps what it is you need and what you don't need. One of my closest friends sent me emails during my chemo, complaining to me about stupid things like traffic, her inability to get her house remodeled, the weather, etc. I finally got angry enough with her that I set her straight...telling her she should consider herself lucky that was all she had to worry about was such trivial things and that it was the wrong thing to be telling someone like me who was fighting cancer. She then limited her phone calls to me...when she was in a lousey mood or depressed, she just held off from calling me until she was in a better mood. Don't worry about offending others now when it comes to your mental well being...let them know what is good for you and what isn't. Unless they have been closely involved with cancer, most people do not know what to say or do...it's a subject that many can't handle and so try to keep their distance.
Please feel free to PM me if you like...I was such a whimp when I first got my dx last March...and thank goodness for all the coaching that Holly and Pat offered me; as time went on I learned that I was a lot stronger person than I would ever have imagined...sure, I still had my crying moments and questioning and still do on occasion...but overall I mustered the courage and strength to do what I needed to do. You will also...God doesn't give us anything we can't handle. You are up to this challenge and all of us are here to give you moral support and share information and most importantly, to just listen.
And Zach is so right in his comments to you...our attitude is the only real sure thing we "can" control, so try to share that lovely smile of yours...I know it isn't easy. But you are so much more than what you see reflected back from a mirror...it's what you have inside that really counts. And as time moves on, the body does repair itself, the scars fade and you will look just fine. You are still very young and your body will heal. It just takes time so be patient with yourself. Take care - lots of hugs coming your way. Melodie
Melodie, Indy Pouch, U.W.Medical Center, Seattle, Dr. Paul H. Lange & Jonathan L. Wright
Hi Lisa - I can't speak about this personally, since it is my husband who had BC and is going through chemo, but as a caregiver, I know the ups and downs I have felt over the course of the last several months. I try not to dwell on things that upset me too much because when I do I get very overwhelmed and although I try to be brave in front of my husband...there are times I haven't been. Like others have said, I'm sure your friend meant well, but instead, it hurt. Please know that you are in my prayers. I am just very thankful that we all have this website to lift each other up, to ask quesitons and read about others who are in similar situations. It helps to know we are not going through this alone. Margot
Hi pat: what I did was I kept picturing my self past the next chalenge. I never really gave much thought to what anyone had to say umless they had canser, Such as our group here. It was like in viet nam in 69 just get thru it any way you can. Unless they have been there and had cancer how can they possibly understand. People dont know but they can be very hurtful and dont even know it. Don
Lisaloo....Oh my gosh you went out to lunch and your surgery was on Nov 20th...I was still waddling around my house at that time trying to stand up straight!!! Forget about how your body looks right now....it will change...it will go back to normal with time...the scars fade away. I'm sure your friend meant to be supportive...you wouldn't believe some of the incredibly stupid things people said to me but i know they meant well. As for letting the worms out of the can....thats ok too...crying is cleansing sometimes...i overdid it a bit..i cried for 2 weeks straight. I cried when someone said Hello.....! Anyway put the worms back where they belong...i think you're amazing!! Pat