Lisaloo,
You are doing just fine! The anxious momemnts, the fear, the crying...all very, very normal responses given your situation. So many of us have been there and done that, and in fact, some of us still have days like that where we just feel beat down. We can't feel strong and fierce every day.
I'm sure your friend didn't mean to upset you; I know why you held your emotions back but perhaps it would have been better if she had seen you cry...then she could have learned perhaps what it is you need and what you don't need. One of my closest friends sent me emails during my chemo, complaining to me about stupid things like traffic, her inability to get her house remodeled, the weather, etc. I finally got angry enough with her that I set her straight...telling her she should consider herself lucky that was all she had to worry about was such trivial things and that it was the wrong thing to be telling someone like me who was fighting cancer. She then limited her phone calls to me...when she was in a lousey mood or depressed, she just held off from calling me until she was in a better mood. Don't worry about offending others now when it comes to your mental well being...let them know what is good for you and what isn't. Unless they have been closely involved with cancer, most people do not know what to say or do...it's a subject that many can't handle and so try to keep their distance.
Please feel free to PM me if you like...I was such a whimp when I first got my dx last March...and thank goodness for all the coaching that Holly and Pat offered me; as time went on I learned that I was a lot stronger person than I would ever have imagined...sure, I still had my crying moments and questioning and still do on occasion...but overall I mustered the courage and strength to do what I needed to do. You will also...God doesn't give us anything we can't handle. You are up to this challenge and all of us are here to give you moral support and share information and most importantly, to just listen.
And Zach is so right in his comments to you...our attitude is the only real sure thing we "can" control, so try to share that lovely smile of yours...I know it isn't easy. But you are so much more than what you see reflected back from a mirror...it's what you have inside that really counts. And as time moves on, the body does repair itself, the scars fade and you will look just fine. You are still very young and your body will heal. It just takes time so be patient with yourself. Take care - lots of hugs coming your way. Melodie
