Dear Alter-Ego DannyBoy....
REally i can't wait for the next chapter ..probably dealing with how to get all the really tasty berrylicious stuff out of you before it destroys your kidney.....Next time Dr. Herr looks in there he's going to wonder if you've been in a train wreck.
Glad you're back!!.......Patricia!!
Yo Yo Yo Patricia, Wendy, Zach, Rosemary, Rosie. Dr. S, and all who help and all who suffer and all who care
Hi All Yosarian here...Not sure about Dannyboy He appeared during the ahh Change over,,but anyway Yosarian is back....and I hope this finds all as well as can be...
The Chronicles of Yosarian-- BC Wars: Episode 14 Lemmings Take their Medicine Or Lessons to Be Learned
Location Astral Plain Planet Earth Northern Hemisphere US of A In Gods Little chunk of heaven rite cher on Momma Earth-Central Rural Florida...........
Lesson : One Dont Drink That Stuff (or Fast either)
Scene I: ACME Generic Imaging CT Lab Reception Office
Yosarian: Good Morning I am here to schedule a CT Urogram. Here is the script
Scheduling Person: Oooh Okay you have a choice Very Berry Barium Bisulfate or our very own Banana Smoothie which flavor do you want? ; Just remember you have to drink BOTH bottles just before your 11 AM appointment on June 13th and dont eat or drink anything after midnight.
Yosarian: I have to drink BOTH of those bottles?
Scheduling Person: Yes but it is not too bad just start an hour before and keep forcing it down
Yosarian: Oh okay if I have to...and nothing to eat or Drink except for my two gigantic bottles of Very Berry Barium after midnight right?
Scheduling Person: Right!
Yosarian: Hey wait a minute June 13th is a Friday That is Friday the 13th. I am not so sure I want a Cat scan on Friday the 13th...It will probably be a Pure Black Cat scan and I will have bad Luck!
Scheduling Person: Well Sweetie we can change it to another date How about the 16th?
Yosarian: Great! That is Monday right? Same time?
Scheduling Person: Sorry sweetie that is a Wednesday...JULY 16th the next appointment we have available after Friday the 13th of June, Is Wednesday the 16th of JULY! The only reason we can give you this one so soon is nobody else wanted Friday the 13th...but your not Superstitious are you?
Yosarian: I was just a little until now and now I am feeling very superstitious! They will probably find a new tumor that already has a tumor! And they will find that I am missing a lung or a testicle or have too many of each...or that I am turning to salt or have one of those Sigourney Weaver Alien things about to burst from my stomach or something ...
But I cannot take the July appointment ..it is after my next Urologist appointment...and it takes weeks to get another appointment there.......
Scheduling Person: Well then take the Friday the 13th appointment--Really what could go wrong?
Yosarian: (The Lemming) Oh Okay if you say so
Scheduling Person: Well now that is the spirit... and here dont forget to take these two huge bottles of your favorite flavor Very Berry Barium Bisulfate to drink all down just before your CT scan..
Yosarian: Yes Nurse Rachet..opps Nice Scheduling Person Yes thank you...no I can carry both bottles at once ..and yes I remember ..Nothing after Midnight.....
Scene II: Yosarians Kitchen Friday the 13th 9 AM
Yosarian: I want some coffee...
Yosarians better half: You heard the nice lady Nothing after midnight except these two gigunda bottles of Very Berry Barium Bisulfate..Do you want a glass??
Yosarian: No I will take it straight ....Like a man! God this crap is awful....it tastes like Berry flavor chalk mixed with talcum powder with a dash of bile...and it goes down with all the speed of a Florida Presidential election vote count...
Yosarians better half: Stop Babying yourself..and drink that sh..t down it is good for you ! hahahahah
Yosarian: Thanks sweetness,,,love of my life...but this stuff taste terrible and I think it is starting to clot in my stomach...and I still have a whole bottle and a half to go....
Yosarians better half: Look on the bright side ....That stuff will probably kill that Alien creature you been moaning to me was in your stomach....now buck up like a man and down the rest of that first bottle ..and wipe your chin ..it dont count letting it drip down the side .....
Yosarian: Remember when we said For Better or Worse well this stuff is the worst....
Yosarians better half: Look you have already finished the first bottle and it only took you an hour ...now take your medicine like a good boy....Here is the SECOND giant bottle to drink .............
Scene III: ACME Generic Imaging CT Lab,,Yosarian laying in the CT Imaging machine
CT Nurse Technician: Your not allergic to iodine are you?
Yosarian: No, why?...was there Iodine in the two gigantic Bottles of Very Berry Barium Bisulfate I forced myself to drink this morning? Do I look green or something? Or maybe Berry colored? And no I did not eat after midnight but I was hungry until I had those two....
CT Nurse Technician: You did WHAT??? Why did you do that? You did not need to do that for a CT Urogram! Who gave you the two bottles???? Who was it ??? Who was it???
Yosarian: I, I, I, I am sorry I dont remember her name ,,wait a minute you mean I..
CT Nurse Technician: Was her name Lottie? Or was it Arlene? Or maybe Joyce...I bet it was Joyce it was Joyce right??
Yosarian: I.I,I, I dont remember but I think she had big ...hey wait a minute ,,,you mean I did not have to drink those two humongous bottles of ....
CT Nurse Technician: Are you sure it was not Lottie? I have told them at the desk a thousand times that you do not give patients Barium contrasting agent for a CT Urogram! Do you know how much that stuff costs? I have told them thousands of times and they still give it to everybody....Do you know how much that stuff costs this office!!!!!!
Yosarian: Ah well come to think of it maybe it was Lottie or Arlene...but you mean I did not need to take that stuff? I feel sick,,,do I look sick?
CT Nurse Technician: Sorry no ..now squeeze this rubber ball while I insert this big Iodine IV needle in this nice fat vein..soon you will have a metallic taste in your mouth..it should help erase the chalkie Berry taste......Stop tensing up so much....Now I have try to the to inset the IV again ....Opps let me get that blood ...sorry. If that hurt.....here let me try a different place....Are you okay? Relax,,,,we will get it in fine this time......opps sorry again bet that hurt right? Let s try to stick it in here ...
LESSON LEARNED Always check what a receptionist tells you to take, Especially if it is Barium for a CT Urogram for BC! and stay away from Friday the 13th!
PS. I asked my urologist about it (the CT urogram protocol) and he was at least honest saying he did not really know He just looks at the results.....
Next Lessons: One example of how a left Kidney could be removed when the right is the sick one and BCG maintenance number 15~
As always My best to everyone especially to all those who help so many people on here and I hope at least one or two get some help from my expereinces...
My sincere best to all --Yosarian
My doctor grabbed me by the wallet and said, "Cough!"
The doctor says to the patient, "Take your clothes off and stick your tongue out the window". "What will that do?" asks the patient. The doctor says, "I'm mad at my neighbor!"
My wife told me the car wasn't running well, there was water in the carburetor. I asked where the car was, and she told me it was in the lake.
BC Wars.....addendum 45cf-subsection code Alpha Charlie Baker 2 Hoochie Mama-- 17 June, 2008
Greetings and Salutations and Howdy Do’s Patricia & Maria (et al) ,
Thanks for getting back to me and what a great idea for the Good Dr. Herr about everyone waiting at least a half hour anyway...I wish I would have thought of that !
I had another (my second in this series --13th overall) 10% BCG yesterday and took in written instructions in large Print for the nurse...
For Patient Yosarian --
For 10% BCG Solution dosage
1. Mix regular full concentration BCG 50ml solution as instructed and as normally done.
2. With a syringe remove 5ml of this full concentration solution and safely discard the remaining 45 ml of full concentration solution.
3. Add the 5ml of full concentration BCG solution to 45ml of buffered saline solution for a total of 50ml.
4. Use this new diluted 50 ml of BCG 10% solution as normal and inject diluted mixture into catheter into the bladder as normally done.
5. Please ask me or check with the Dr. if there are any questions.
Much to my surprise the solution was all set up and ready when I got to the “room” and I was told they followed my instructions AND they were even grateful for them. The new nurse (different from last time-the "We’ll mix it in your bladder nurse!") asked me how I knew about the 5ml from the 50 ml to get the 10% solution. etc. ..I jokingly told her I mainly thanked Mrs. O’Brien who was my second math teacher but also Mr. Pellegreeno who helped me with “Phonics are fun” reading part and thankfully she laughed! The procedure went fairly smoothly although for some reason she had a problem with the regular catheter and had to switch to a coudet catheter. I was able to retain this solution for the two hours and have had once again a mild but significant reaction---some burning, urgency, and frequency..But not severe-yet enough pain and discomfort to make me think it may be working as hoped. My last maintenance treatment is next Tuesday.
As always, my best to all and thanks for all you do .... and my prayers for all in this BC battle.
The Doctor called Mrs. Cohen saying, "Mrs. Cohen, your check came back." Mrs. Cohen answered, "So did my arthritis!"
The Doctor says, "You'll live to be 60!" "I AM 60!" "See, what did I tell you?"
A doctor says to a man, "You want to improve your love life? You need to get some exercise. Run ten miles a day." Two weeks later, the man called the doctor. The doctor says, "How is your love life since you have been running?" "I don't know, I'm 140 miles away!"
Nurse: "Doctor, the man you just gave a clean bill of health to dropped dead right as he was leaving the office". Doctor: "Turn him around; make it look like he was walking in."
Yosarian, great news for you, Pat's right you need to get that nurse sorted and trained before your next treatment. You have a great attitude and a wonderful sense of humor I love reading your posts. (((((hugs)))))) for you. Maria xx
Hi ya Yosarian.....well if the nurse down in Fla doesn't kill you with her stupidity i wish you well with your continued maintenance!! I certainly hope you can maybe write it all out in very BIG LETTERS for her to understand next dose if you survive this one and your bladder doesn't disintegrate.
Tell the talkative Herr that most everyone is waiting l hr anyway so have someone administer the dye while you're waiting...sounds like a plan to me. Anyway if anyone wants to know where they are using Hexvix in clinical trials in the US go to this page...many in Fla. Yo....and Cleveland Clinic also.
Keep in touch...........Pat