bdirocco,
Welcome. We are sorry for the reason to be here and the difficult report on your husband. As you are aware stage 4 of any type of cancer is very serious when metastatic. For BCG it is a local treatment (confined to the bladder) which would do nothing to help with lymph nodes involvement.
Everyone is an individual and a few react well to chemo. No one seems to have a handle on why. Perhaps a second opinion would be good for fresh eyes and a top notch teaching or major cancer center such as MD Anderson, Cleveland Clinic, Sloan Kettering etc. Or, perhaps your local team may have access to a clinical trial that may have some promise.