Girl, I agree 100% as to why them and why did they have to endure so much at such a young age. I try to find peace in the fact that I know he is no longer suffering and is in his heavenly home finally. You know I believe in little signs from them too. About a month after Jeff passed I was out on the deck and there was all of the sudden a familiar scent that only came from Jeff. I looked around and there were no neighbors out anywhere, just me. I knew right then he was letting me know he was checking in. He too was cremated per his request and I found a ceramic rooster for his ashes. He had thing about roosters which always had people laughing. I'm sure he is tickled I found that for him. I keep him on the table where I can see it everyday and think happy thoughts. You are going through the stages of grieving, be angry, cry...heck throw something if it helps. I've done it all. Now I'm in a numb stage I guess. Almost feels like a dream some days and that maybe he will come back through that door griping about how the grass needs mowed. Think the last time he said "love you" was the Thursday before he passed, so I understand your frustration and anger. Just sitting and watching them die is like ripping our hearts out piece by piece.
When they told us there was nothing else they could do for my Mom we just sat and watched her breathe. Slowly the breathing became less and less until there was that little gurgle and she was gone just like that. No "I love you's", nothing, just gone!! Then I have to do the exact same thing again with Jeff. I ask, where is the fairness in that??
I love your hat!! It is perfect and states a fact!! I truly hope the days ahead become easier but know that taking your time to go thru things and sort out stuff is ok. Don't rush on things that can wait. Get the necessary things taken care of and then take a break from it. I have yet to go through all of Jeff's stuff. I have went through a few things but very little when I think about it. His clothes are in still in the drawers and closets, his meds still on the table. I took care of the legal, necessary things and haven't done much else. Everyone that has been through this tells me to give it a year before making any major decisions like with our house and truck, etc. I know in your case can not do that probably but just try to ease into it and if you just can't tackle something then don't. It's not going to phase anyone one way or the other except you. You do what you want when you want. Sorry now I'm babbling. You are stronger than you probably want to be right now but that strength is exactly what will get you through this!!
Keep doing what you're doing, tough as it is, you can do this!! If I can, I know you can!!
Yes, it helped more than you will ever know. I think knowing what maybe to expect or knowing that, unfortunately, others have experienced similar symptoms. I hate that anyone has to go thru this - so much pain for nothing. Absolutely nothing. I run half marathons...at least that pain gets me a medal. They got nothing. If I try to be positive, I guess they got everlasting life with the Lord, but right now, that doesn't make me feel any better. I hear stories how people have been able to go to dinner with their parent and then two days later they passed...and while that's sad, I didn't get to do a thing with her...she's been in bed with pain since 7/27. It hurt her to get out of bed, to move, to talk, to laugh, to smile. She was so medicated from the pain that she didn't even really initiate conversation, she didn't just say, love you or how was your day? I think one or two times she called me and that was it. The day before she came home with hospice care, I was crying on her chest telling her how much I will miss her and she didn't say a word. It was like she wasn't comprehending what I was saying. I asked her why she wasn't saying anything and she said - I don't know what to say. All I kept thinking is how about you will miss me too...or you love me. Her mind was already changing - they say it was because of the C02 in her brain b/c she wasn't taking deep enough breaths. Everyone says to enjoy the last few days or all the moments...how do you enjoy it when she can't communicate with you? Or smile? Or tell you she loves you? Or you know she's dying soon and you want her to be in peace vs pain? I'm sorry, I guess I'm angry today. I keep asking her for signs that she's ok and around and nothing. Maybe it's too soon...I don't know. She's being cremated and her ashes will fit inside a plastic bag...that could fit in a shoe box with room to spare. I can't wrap my head around that. She didn't want a funeral or celebration of life...so this is it. I am babbling...I attached a picture of my hat. I hope you like it. My kids weren't happy I wore it yesterday, they think it's inappropriate but I don't care. Not now.
Jeff's urologist told us it could be hereditary. They were surprised no one in his family had never had anything like this because generally someone in the family has had something like it. He advised his children be aware of the signs and to follow up on that. That's all I really know, I didn't really research that side of things.
Take care of yourself and your family and grieve for the loss of your Mother. I go to grief counseling through my work and there is a grief support group at a local church once a week. Both are very good for me but the support group more so because you can talk to others who are going through this or have gone through this. And as always I am here if you need to vent, makes me feel better and hopefully makes you feel better.
Thank you for letting my share my own grief and experiences with you. Hopefully some of it helped you in some way.
3 weeks 6 days ago - 3 weeks 6 days ago#58519by Alan
There is little study on bladder heredity according to my URO. It still stands to reason that there may be a predisposition to any weakness. I had a maternal uncle die from bladder cancer. Had a sister pass from breast cancer while my Mom had it also but passed from other causes. So, I believe there is some connection
One last observation as you work through things. People here, your family and friends will listen and help you get through this! We never forget those that have passed but, hug those that are still here. You WILL get stronger and more effective in your life.
DX 5/6/2008 TAG3 papillary tumor .5 CM in size. 2 TURBS followed by 6 instillations of BCG weekly with a second round of 6 after a 6 week wait.