Advanced Stage Bladder Cancer

You don’t sound like a broken record and you should never apologize for having the very normal feeling you are having. There are many books written about the stages of grief but the truth we all grieve in our own ways and time. Right now you are in the eye of the hurricane but again time is your friend. This has gone from we are fighting this to where you are now not giving you time to wrap your mind around the new situation. Cut yourself some slack, this is one of the hardest things we face. There is a time for tears this is one of them, grieving is natural and needed.
As for why her cancer grew and spread so fast? That is a question researchers have been trying to answer for a very long time. Maybe someday we will have all the answers but not yet. My sister passed unexpectedly years ago and I was obsessed with the why and how for a long time. What I really was asking was a universal why really, why did this have to happen at all? It took time but I had to except that sometimes there are no definitive answers and even if there were they would really change nothing.
Be as strong as you feel you need to be but don’t rob yourself of the grieving you need. Again we are here if you need us.

My heart breaks for you and your family, our family has been there. Something I have also learned that no matter what you always want more time. It is a blessing she was able to make the decision. Hospice is a gift to the family and the patient it is just as you described it, about comfort care. Both of my In-laws and my own father went through hospice and I considered it a blessing and a privilege to have been able to share that time with them as hard as it was but that realization came with time. Just be there for her even if she doesn’t seem to know it. Hold her hand if she seems to like it and offer what comfort as her family you can. Talk to the nurses and the hospice staff they will help you understand what is going on. If you need us we are here and know you and your family will be in my thoughts.