I went to my doctor for my post op. I had 3 high grade tumors, the largest was in the neck of my bladder and it was the one he did not know was there until surgery. I will do 6 rounds of BCG starting September 13th. Then another cysto. My doctor said he is not fully confident that the treatments are going to help for various reasons. The main being that because of the location of my tumors he said it will be hard to get enough BCG to them. I asked him my prognosis for this cancer. I was originally diagnosed in 2014. They were low grade tumors then and the BCG did help. I have had a couple of surgeries since then with only one that showed cancer. This time was different. Anyway, he said that if we can't slow the progression and the fact that they were high grade we might have to discuss removing my bladder. I am not prepared for this and I am not sure I will agree to it. It is not vanity, it is more a sense of why bother? I know it can come back in others areas of my body. I know they can make a new bladder for me with a long and difficult surgery and recovering time. I know there are some people that are born warriors, they will do anything and everything to fight. I have been battling this since 2014, my life has changed. I have a wonderful man in my life that is understanding of my situation and has pretty much accepted I may never feel romantic again. I have to wear pads to work because when I have to go, I have to go. I am just throwing some feelings out there, maybe in time I will feel more like fighting again. I have watched some very good friends in my life wither away from cancer and prolong the process as long as possible. I am glad they have that will. I think this surgery has just been especially hard on my body and a lot to take in. On the outside I look unworried, on the inside it is constantly on my mind. Thanks all for letting me rant. I will check in again soon. Well wishes for all of you!!