Sorry that you are both having to go through this. I am still a bit confused....are you saying that, although the cancer has come back several times, the last cysto showed none? (BTW, CIS is always high grade....it appears sort of like a rash on the surface of the bladder and cannot be "removed" like a solid tumor can, which is why BCG is so important.)
Is the urologist recommending an RC because bladder cancer has returned so many times even if it is not showing up right now? I can sort of understand that he might recommend this, since CIS is not to be taken lightly.
If this is indeed the situation, I would heartily second Jack's recommendation that you seek a second opinion at a place that sees LOTS of bladder cancer cases, such as a major medical school teaching hospital or NCI Cancer Center. They might very well have some good ideas on potentially effective treatment that does not involve an RC.
Please consider this.
Sara Anne