He\'s On Board!

My cancer was hidden by my Diabetes and frequent urination. My blood my microscopic so you can bring up seeing a urologist for ANYTHING out of the ordinary. Frequent urination, blood it the urine, pain while urinating or anything different. Let them see their doctor and a urologist just to be sure. I could just be an infection, but it could be more. Dont scare them by saying it is cancer but to have it checked by a urologist as soon as possible in case it is an infection. Let the urologist decide what the problem is

gees my spelling is going all to pot. the word is spelled politely Rocky

Hi Rayn, I hav'nt been on for awhile but am now catching up and read the good news that your hubby decided to have the surgery. That is great.

I understand his not wanting people to know , I battle with myself because only my kids and a few people know I have had bladder cancer. I think I should try to make people aware of bc and what can cause it, but then figure the majority of people will polightly listen then figure it won't happen to them and keep doing what they want to anyhow.

So I just slip into conversations if you ever pee blood think bladder cancer and get checked. My brother also had it so I use him as the example. He didn't care who knew.

I am just a private person . As for the surgery I have never had it so I will leave that to the experts on here that have had it and can guide you. God bless and keep you and your husband . Rocky

Rayn,

What is important is that your husband be able to read about the experiences of the survivors, there are so many here, so that he can see that his anxiety and fear is normal, but that he will not be "Less of a person " after the surgery. If the sites are from survivors than he is looking in the right places, but if it is just medical sites then he will undoubtedly be scaring himself. Regardless of how much of a provider he is, this has nothing to do with being the breadwinner or provider, this has to do more with the reservation of his life and dignity. If you read what so many of the responses and stories are you will get some very good information on dealing and coping.
Has your husband decidid which replacement option he wants or prefers. I can tell you the experiences of the people on this site is invaluable in seeing what the real options mean in terms of post operative care and dealing with the neo bladder, Indiana Pouch or Ileal Conduit are. It is more than coming on surgery day , going to sleep and waking up with a replacement for his bladder. He needs to be aware of it, and see what the learning curve will be for each option.
Good luck to your husband and yourself and I hope that you can get your husband to read the experiences on this site.

Thank you Alan for your kind words of encouragement and support. There's been a glitch after the doctor's apptmnt. today, which I will elaborate on when I post the new thread.

I wish I could get him to read these posts with me, but her prefers to glance at different Bladder Cancer Sites and peruse on his own. If he knew I was posting here, I don't think he'd be very happy.

I can't stand keeping this from him, but he's so adament about us not talking to anyone about this. I think he's embarassed and ashamed in some ways, for which I cannot blame him at all. He's finding out for maybe the first time in his amazingly healthy life that his dignity is being challenged by cancer and it's not something that he's used to (gosh who would be?)

He's a strong man for everyone; his family, his friends, even aquaintences. He's definitely "The Man" of the house and I don't mean that in a chauvanistic way. He's incredibly responsible in all levels of life and I'm very proud of him. He's normally a happy, jovial person and enjoys life to the fullest.

Oh and it's "his" daughter from a previous marriage. I have a daughter from a previous marriage as well. He's going to tell his daughter when the time comes for the surgery.

Best regards, Rayn

Rayn,
You and your husband are in the same position as my wife and myself. You have been getting a tremendous amount of good advice. I hope your husband is reading the responses along with you. You appear to be a strong support for your husband and you appear to be doing everything right. Telling your daughter was a good idea, this way she will know why her father will be in the hospital so long after the surgery. I told my sons as well and they are very supportive. They are both adult and have been getting me any thing I have needed along with my wife. Just keep being as supportive as you can, but try to arrange a little ME TIME for yourself. It will relax you and make it easier to deal with your husband. I am still recovering from my last TURBT, it has been 5 days and there is still a little pain and bleeding, but
I know that my urologist had to dig further and deeper.
Anyway, the best of wishes to you and your husband.