Mad....Sad...Happy....Introspective.....hurt....ashamed... Scared to death!!!..... Pissed Off..... What the @%$&.....and finally; WHY ME?
I was never much of an emotional guy for most of my life. I never got too excited and never let myself get too far down. I guess it was my upbringing that said "Don't get too thrilled when things are good because they can turn sour, and don't get too far down because they can turn around for you.
But THIS! cancer thing... and the year it came:
My favorite yellow lab of 13 years had to be put down. I cried like a baby.
The stock market fell like a stone...Goodbye retirment until 2 years AFTER I die (at age 99 by the way)
The automobile business my family has run since 1918 took a huge nosedive. But we avoided the dealer purge (we are a Dodge, Chrysler dealer)
My mother's Alzehimers took a big step toward nursing home care.... but not yet!
Got cancer, had 3 surgeries, got better, found this site and gained perspective. Realized there is life outside ourselves.
Had bad hip, got new hip, worked like a dog to get full movement. Am now perfect. My wife would argue with that though.
I had a friend who knew about all of this an he said "Don't you get up in the morning and say 'Why Me?'
After thinking about it, I realized .... No! I have soooo many things to live for and soooo many things left to do, that I WILL not let this thing consume me.
I did NOT put this post in to say "Oh Woe" is me. Every person on this site has their own list of problems. Most of their stories would overwhelm a normal person. But in this circle of cancer survivors, a remarkable strength occurs.
It is absolutly OK to have every emotion known to man (or woman) Screaming, tears and gnashing of teeth are all very good ways of letting it out. But, when calm sets in and the strength of perspective comes into view; Remember the PRIZE...... LIFE. Every clear cell in my body fights for it.... and every day brings a new chance to immerse myself in it!
This all may seem very sappy, and it is! But we are allowed. It is our cancer given right!
George Kline