Containing your anger

14 years 4 months ago #28595 by michstate89
Replied by michstate89 on topic Containing your anger
Vi,

My 21 yr old son-in-law had been diagnosed about a year before me, so I knew that there was a good chance to fight this. It is what it is and it has helped me put things into perspective concerning health, work, and family. I am a school principal and I also think I am more empathetic towards my employees, which is a positive.

Ross

Ross M
TaG1 March 06
Recurrence Jan 07
BCG Maintenance after 6 week treatment

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14 years 4 months ago #28592 by wsilberstein
Replied by wsilberstein on topic Containing your anger
The truth is, I am angry, and I have been cancer-free for almost 9 years. But I'm dealing with complications of my treatment for 7 years. Right now I feel like crap. When I have a good day, I try not to think about it.

-Warren
TaG3 + CIS 12/2000. TURB + Mitomycin C (No BCG)
Urethral stricture, urethroplasty 10/2009
CIS 11/2010 treated with BCG. CIS 5/2012 treated with BCG/interferon
T1G3 1/2013. Radical Cystectomy 3/5/2013, No invasive cancer. CIS in right ureter.
Incontinent. AUS implant 2/2014. AUS explant 5/2014
Pediatrician

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14 years 4 months ago #28591 by mmc
Replied by mmc on topic Containing your anger
I don't think I ever had anger over it. However, it is certainly normal and many people do.

One of the things that helped me was research and this site's predecessor. At my first diagnosis the predecessor to this forum was on webcafe. I learned a lot from others and especially learned that if I was rigorous in my follow up that I would probably not die from bladder cancer.

So...since I didn't have to die from it, I figured what's the point of being angry about it. That's how my mind works. I mostly don't worry about things because if it then never happens, I spent all that time worrying. Even if something (such as a recurrence) were to happen, I figured why spend the time I had without recurrence messing it up by worrying.

That's my philosophy, but it would not be honest to say that I did not have down times in my thinking about this. When I failed BCG, I did get pretty reflective and quite sad.

What helped me most was knowledge. That also does not work for everybody. Some people study things and only retain the knowledge of the worst possible outcome and become convinced that is what will happen to them. That's not healthy.

We all have our own ways of dealing with things like this. Folks we tell also all have their own way of dealing with the news. Keeping that in mind helps a lot (in my opinion). Just because someone deals with things differently doesn't mean their way is wrong and it doesn't mean their way won't change with time and knowledge.

As I've been known to say "You're mileage may vary". :D

Positive attitudes create positive chemical reactions in the body. My blood type is B+ (BE POSITIVE) so I guess it's just my nature. :)

It's very ok to be angry though. Kick a pillow, punch a mattress, cry, or whatever to get it out. Whenever you can, think about how you want each day to be. You don't want to waste too many days being consumed by anger and/or fear but you will have some. It takes conscious thought to be happy, enjoy others and keep putting one foot in front of the other, but for me it has always been worth it.

I'm cancer free for 13 months and plan to stay that way. If it does come back or I get a new kind of cancer or something, I will deal with it when it comes. That's how I look at things but we are all different and that's what makes the world an interesting and wonderful place.

:)

Mike

Age 54
10/31/06 dx CIS (TisG3) non-invasive (at 47)
9/19/08 TURB/TUIP dx Invasive T2G3
10/8/08 RC neobladder(at 49)
2/15/13 T4G3N3M1 distant metastases(at 53)
9/2013 finished chemo -cancer free again
1/2014 ct scan results....distant mets
2/2014 ct result...spread to liver, kidneys, and lymph...

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14 years 4 months ago #28590 by Patricia
Replied by Patricia on topic Containing your anger
Funny..Anger was not one of my emotions...probably because i didn't have time for it...i had to act quickly as mine was invasive and i wanted the best surgeon and hospital to give me at least a chance at survival. My biggest reaction was extreme saddness...i love my kids and grandkids sooo much and wanted to see them grow and i would just cry and cry thinking i might not have that. I'm sure anger would have crept in if i were to have had non-invasive and had to do cystoscopys every 3 months and deal with BCG and infection. You guys are my hero's..i couldn't have done that.
I had already spent my anger when my son came down with testicular cancer and my father was stroked out after by-pass surgery and i was taking care of him for 4 l/2 demented years where i became his sister Molly and continually stole his wallet from him or was having wild parties at his house that i also stole...saddness and anger. Then my husband died on the operating table and a lot of anger over that feeling guilty that i did not advocate the best for him. I tried but his doctors convinced him otherwise.
Now still no anger...bewilderment with a new diagnosis of the ever popular breast cancer...honestly i'm not that much of a DIVA! Stomach mostly in my mouth right now.
Pat

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14 years 4 months ago #28586 by sara.anne
Replied by sara.anne on topic Containing your anger
Vgau, I am still MAD AS HELL about this. I already had breast cancer, my husband had prostate cancer, and died of lung cancer. I FEEL AS IF I HAVE ALREADY PAID MY DUES.

But, that being said, anger gets me nowhere. I have found this group...people who have been there/done that...who don't mind if I talk about it (some good friends and relatives are tired of the topic...although sympathetic when something "new" crops up.) And, relevant to your previous questions about letting people know about our diagnosis, I feel that activism can a. help others and, maybe more importantly, help me.

BTW...in the shower is a good place to SCREAM.

Sara Anne

Diagnosis 2-08 Small papillary TCC; CIS
BCG; BCG maintenance
Vice-President, American Bladder Cancer Society
Forum Moderator

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14 years 4 months ago #28585 by inTransition
Replied by inTransition on topic Containing your anger
Vi,

How you feel is how you feel. You need time to process the news. For me, long walks thinking through things really helped.

For me a lot of it was just time. I was diagnosed in March and I had a very difficult six weeks as I went through testing to determine just how bad things were. I never was angry, more scared and very sad. Part of it was my husband and I didn't tell anyone for those six weeks as my kids were in college with difficuly loads and we wanted to wait until they came home for the summer. We didn't tell anyone before our kids. Anyway, I was a mess during that time. Lost 15 pounds and that was before chemo! :)

Somehow, by the end of the six weeks I sort of came to terms with things, even as it became obvious I was going to lose my bladder. (No symptoms before March!) It really helps if you have supportive friends and family, good insurance, and a sense of humor.

I can't promise you will feel OK with this whole thing soon, but I can promise you will feel differently about it after a while.

Hugs.

Diagnosed Stage 3 March 09.
RC August 09 at MD Anderson, TX
Ileal Conduit (Bag Lady)
Age 52

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