Maria,
You are doing the right thing by coming back to all of us with your concerns...and yes, drama is all a part of it, and that's OK. I had my surgery 4 months ago today and there are days when I am still on that emotional roller coaster. We are all too human and sometimes we can't help it, more especially if we are women. Hey, at least it reminds us we are alive and our life is worth fighting for.
As for all the double checking and calling...yes, some of us have to do exactly that and if we didn't we might not be here today to talk with you. The doctors and nurses were great prior to and during my hospitalization but after release, it got more difficult to have effective communication with them. They would not return phone calls, no matter who I called. Finally, I became a pest...I just kept calling more often and then wrote a letter to the director of "Patient Relations" for the hospital. I got a phone call shortly after sending out that letter and also a letter in response to my letter. SO become like a pitbull...you bite and don't turn loose until you get what you want...you become a royal pain in the ass. I know it gets very tiring but you must stay strong!!!! You know, if it were your spouse or your best friend, you would be a pest so don't do anything less for yourself.
And in regard to medical records...at one hospital I just had to call and go pick them up after signing a release but at the hospital where my surgery was done I had to first sign the release and they mailed them out to me, charging me, I believe, 33 cents per page.
Body image IS important. Even at 56 I had my concerns about that but have learned to love my stoma (Rosebud) and accept her as part of me. We humans are extradinary about being able to adjust. And like Holly, I did not want the bag but if I had not been given a choice, my spouse was really to accept the idea and prior to surgery he was trying to think of some way to sex up the bag outfit.
He is a very highly sexed guy, half Italian and always ready with a good idea to spice things up. :
Now four months after surgery, I apparently look so good to him that I have to remind him that my body is still adjusting to it's new normal and some days just getting through the day for me is a struggle.
I guess what I am trying to really say is your feelings are very natural, normal and in time will change, improve....it's a tough journey but you will make it through this just fine. My spouse has asked if I would recommend chemo and surgery to him if he were dx'd with BC....my response, "no, not right now as all of my pain is still too fresh in my mind, but ask me again in six months or a year. I expect to be much more positive in my response." This healing business takes time. Let me add, that I also hate shots, not crazy about doctors, etc. and wonder sometimes how I made it through chemo and surgery...it's so NOT like me ...it's as if it was a dream but I have the scars to remind me...and even those are fading. So my parting words, Maria,as I leave you with on this posting...as a dear English friend of mine once said to me, "Keep your pecker up"!
Melodie