Emotions

16 years 3 months ago #11716 by Maria
Replied by Maria on topic Emotions
Thank you for your replies.
Geez Melodie you made me cry, in a good way! You have just been so very kind and supportive, I have officially adopted you today as my BC guardian angel ;)

Stephany thank you for your advice, it is exactly the support I would offer to a friend if the tables were turned. I will be thinking of you next week and pray for a good outcome for all the tests.

Friday I was introduced to an oncology nurse coordinator who has saved me from a 100% meltdown with her support on practical issues. I feel I have struck gold with this lady and the short time we talked compensated for all the crap to date! At least I now have some support here in ‘the system’ My friend who is a nurse has been amazingly supportive too.

I am still on an emotional rollercoaster, it hit me hard yesterday when I read my path report! I have all of my questions ready for the doc and will ask him to ‘lay the cards on the table’ plan the 'attack' as Pat says and hopefully get started asap. I had my TURB 10/19 and the wait time to see a specialist is concerning me.

Keep bursting into tears :'( But I am trying to stay very positive. Been out with husband and friends tonight, it’s hard, but I am getting there. They have been great.

You can bet I will let you know how my appointment goes. It will be another chapter for me and I will be relying on you all to guide me through the next steps. Thanks again. Maria xx




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16 years 3 months ago #11703 by Melodie
Replied by Melodie on topic Emotions
Maria,

I bet you have a nice smile. You obviously are very smart...probably very attractive, have lots of good attributes and are loved by family and friends. Focus on what you have to be thankful about this holiday season, and not the fear of cancer and what you might lose. Consider yourself lucky in that if you have to lose your bladder, that life can go on for you, whereas for some other types of cancer, some have no options. You need to be around your friends if you feel up to it...I'm sure some wish to help you take your mind off your present worries. 2008 will be a year of challenge for you but you can handle it, in spite of the difficulty of dealing with some of the medical profession.

It will be tough in the beginning but as time moves on, things should improve...adversity has a way of teaching us so much, if only we keep our mind open. Please remember that so many of us have already been down this same road and are always here to listen and help in whatever way we can. Please let us know how your appt. on the 20th goes. Take care and many hugs to you. :) Melodie

Melodie, Indy Pouch, U.W.Medical Center, Seattle, Dr. Paul H. Lange & Jonathan L. Wright

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16 years 3 months ago #11699 by Stephany
Replied by Stephany on topic Emotions
Maria....you are doing the best you can! Yes, next week isn't the best time to be doing this kind of thing, but thank goodness the angels are working. We have two appointments next week, one for chemo, and one for a biopsy, and one for a nephrostomy check/reversal. I just remind myself that these WILL pass.

Yes, you wake up every morning with cancer. But, one day, you will wake up, and something else will be on your mind, and then you will suddenly remember the cancer. And then one morning, you will wake up, and think about something else, and then it will take longer before you think about the cancer. It is a process, and you will take yourself through it.

I told myself that I would NOT stress out about a tree. If we don't have one, we have each other. If I don't cook all day, then we'll have time to talk.

let us know what your appointment shows....we want to know.

Stephany in Iowa

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16 years 3 months ago #11543 by Patricia
Replied by Patricia on topic Emotions
Maria...don't dread 2008...you will finally have a plan in place. I had my surgery on January 11th right after Christmas and it was a great Christmas...and so was the next one as i was thru all the misery and back to myself again. So cheer up.
Pat

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16 years 3 months ago #11542 by Maria
Replied by Maria on topic Emotions
I am still feeling very down. I think it is because it is coming up to Christmas and I just get very emotional. I seem to be getting worse. As soon as I wake up its like I have CANCER ......... I am still finding this very hard to accept and deal with. Everyone else seems to be happy around me and I am just miserable! I put off seeing my friends as I cry easily, something trivial and silly starts me off! I am fed up with myself!

I have bought all my presents, we have Christmas tree and decorations done, I just can't quite get into the spirit this year. I have the appointment 12/20 .......... what a time of year to discuss cancer treatments. I am just dreading 2008.

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16 years 4 months ago #10872 by Melodie
Replied by Melodie on topic Emotions
Maria,

You are doing the right thing by coming back to all of us with your concerns...and yes, drama is all a part of it, and that's OK. I had my surgery 4 months ago today and there are days when I am still on that emotional roller coaster. We are all too human and sometimes we can't help it, more especially if we are women. Hey, at least it reminds us we are alive and our life is worth fighting for.

As for all the double checking and calling...yes, some of us have to do exactly that and if we didn't we might not be here today to talk with you. The doctors and nurses were great prior to and during my hospitalization but after release, it got more difficult to have effective communication with them. They would not return phone calls, no matter who I called. Finally, I became a pest...I just kept calling more often and then wrote a letter to the director of "Patient Relations" for the hospital. I got a phone call shortly after sending out that letter and also a letter in response to my letter. SO become like a pitbull...you bite and don't turn loose until you get what you want...you become a royal pain in the ass. I know it gets very tiring but you must stay strong!!!! You know, if it were your spouse or your best friend, you would be a pest so don't do anything less for yourself.

And in regard to medical records...at one hospital I just had to call and go pick them up after signing a release but at the hospital where my surgery was done I had to first sign the release and they mailed them out to me, charging me, I believe, 33 cents per page.

Body image IS important. Even at 56 I had my concerns about that but have learned to love my stoma (Rosebud) and accept her as part of me. We humans are extradinary about being able to adjust. And like Holly, I did not want the bag but if I had not been given a choice, my spouse was really to accept the idea and prior to surgery he was trying to think of some way to sex up the bag outfit. ;) He is a very highly sexed guy, half Italian and always ready with a good idea to spice things up. ::) Now four months after surgery, I apparently look so good to him that I have to remind him that my body is still adjusting to it's new normal and some days just getting through the day for me is a struggle.

I guess what I am trying to really say is your feelings are very natural, normal and in time will change, improve....it's a tough journey but you will make it through this just fine. My spouse has asked if I would recommend chemo and surgery to him if he were dx'd with BC....my response, "no, not right now as all of my pain is still too fresh in my mind, but ask me again in six months or a year. I expect to be much more positive in my response." This healing business takes time. Let me add, that I also hate shots, not crazy about doctors, etc. and wonder sometimes how I made it through chemo and surgery...it's so NOT like me ...it's as if it was a dream but I have the scars to remind me...and even those are fading. So my parting words, Maria,as I leave you with on this posting...as a dear English friend of mine once said to me, "Keep your pecker up"! :) Melodie

Melodie, Indy Pouch, U.W.Medical Center, Seattle, Dr. Paul H. Lange & Jonathan L. Wright

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