Just \"diagnosed\" yesterday - 37 and very scared

Hi Mike - Thank you for your response. I must say it did make me feel a little better. I know I probably sound frantic and, no denying it, I am. I've already made an appointment to talk to someone about my anxiety, so I hope that will help somewhat. While I do my best to toe the line between rational thinking and hypochondria, I don't always stay on the rational side of that line (which I know is unhealthy.) Anyway, I have been asking myself many of the same questions you raised in your reply (e.g., why would my doctor say what he said before the pathology...i.e., that he noticed a "small bladder cancer" and then discuss that with me only to then say he believed it to be nothing to worry about and that we'd take out the polyp and I'd be fine., etc.) My Primary referred me to him and, by all accounts, he is supposed to be quite accomplished and good (voted in america's best doctors, etc., uses robotics, performs international surgeries via satellite, etc.) I know that's probably not all too relevant for this discussion, but I figured it was worth mentioning.

In any case, I am just still shocked by the finding of a polyp in general (given my age and otherwise excellent health) and the whole association w/ cancer that comes with it.

One other piece to this that probably bears mentioning is the fact that my wife's father just passed away in July 2011 after a sudden onset of aggressive cancers that shocked us all. He was only 62. I held him as he passed and I witnessed what all of his ails did to him. I have not yet been able to get passed that and, of course, now I get a blow like this to deal with...just extremely difficult to concentrate on the positives, but I know I must somehow find a way to do that.

I am trying to remind myself (and the fact that multiple doctors have told me) that my CTs were all normal and that they said that, if I had anything invasive at all, it would have shown some sign on the CTs. I will continue to do my very best to wait out the next few weeks until I can have this thing removed and then know what exactly the pathology is. I am not looking forward to having to go through anything past that experience but, assuming the outcome is as I've been assured to expect, I suppose it is a small price to pay.

Thanks again to all for your responses and encouragement.

JD, I got the same news you did after my CT and cystoscopy on Nov 1st last year. I had to wait 5 weeks before I could have the TURBT and I know what you are going through, it sucks! But it is normal, I can tell you to relax but that isn't going to happen. What helped me was a crash course on badder cancer on the web, knowlege helps you get a little control and it will give you something positive to do. You won't know until you get the pathology report back, hopefully it will be good news. But even if it isn't good news it is fightable....I had to have a secound TURBT after the first one and it wasn't until after I got the 2nd pathology report back that I started feeling like I wasn't going to die. It's normal and it will take time, but you will get past the shell shock stage and be able to get rid of this! Warren

JD,

You don't even have bladder cancer proven yet and you're going to give yourself a stroke worrying about it.

Your urologist should NOT have said you have bladder cancer. He does NOT know that for a fact. It may very well LIKELY be but they do pathology on the tumor/polyp for a reason.

What he SHOULD have said is, "It could very well be bladder cancer".

Early bladder cancer is VERY treatable. Again, that is IF you even have bladder cancer.

If you have a history of breakdowns, there likely isn't anything we can tell you that going to make you not be freaked out. It is all the more reason why your doctor shouldn't have said that.

So...what if we take worst case and say it is superficial bladder cancer. Does that mean it is time to take a header off a skyscraper? No, it does not. If it is that AND if it is HIGH GRADE, then they will likely treat you with BCG. That's six weeks, once a week, they put the medicine into your bladder through a catheter. Then six months later you do it again for three weeks. Then maybe they do more for ongoing maintenance but maybe not.

If it is LOW GRADE then they very likely will do nothing and you just come back for quarterly checks because bladder cancer has a high recurrence rate. However, low grade means slow growing and often people just never have it come back. If it does come back and is still low grade then they MAY give you BCG or mitomycin for a series of treatments.

That's all we're talking about so far and that is if it even is bladder cancer--which is not even known.

In the mean time, don't be thinking "cling to" and all that. It is not a death sentence even if it is way worse than you even MIGHT have.

I had muscle invasive bladder cancer over three years ago and I'm just fine. Had to have my bladder removed but that's not a big deal as far as I'm concerned.

Now that I've laid out 'worst case' is it REALLY all that terrible? No. So, if it's not 'worst case' then any version of not is better than that.

Good luck. I hope it's nothing (as it very well could be once a pathologist evaluates the tumor).

Mike

Thank you for the reply and the encouragement. I am trying to stay calm but I have had my share of breakdowns already and can't seem to relax. I guess one of the things I am struggling with most is the fact that my Urologist is so confident that this will not present any threat to me (based on what he saw in the Cystoscope,) yet he still called it a "small bladder cancer" but when I talked to my Primary doctor (who also talked to my Urologist) as well as the nurse at the Urologist's office, all referred to this as a "superficial polyp" that we were treating as cancer even though we won't fully know until after it is removed and looked at. It is all quite confusing, which is why I can't seem to find a calm place to park my thoughts. I mean, why would he call it a small bladder cancer but then report it as a polyp. Either way, once again, both Doctors said that, without a doubt, I will be fine and my primary doctor said that there is no evidence that that this could be anything invasive due to the fact that my CTs were all normal. They've assured me I'll be fine...would doctors make sure claims if they weren't almost certain of that? I don't know, but I still can't help but feel that I have been handed a death sentence. I know I am still in shock over even hearing that I have something that I need to take care of, so forgive me if my thoughts are racing all over the map. I know others have far worse and I try, even in the face of this, to remember that. It still hurts so much to even think that something has the potential to slowly take me from my family...these thoughts are unbearable.

Thanks again for the reply. May I ask how you have dealt with this and/or how has anyone else who may have a similar situation be dealing w/ this? It sounds like I have a lot of up side given what my doctors seem to think, so that is really what I am trying to cling to right now.

JD,

Stop and take a breath. It's okay to feel scared. I'm sorry to hear that they found a polyp, but please remember that this doesn't always mean cancer. This hopefully is a benign polyp and can be removed before it can be come cancerous.

Being young doesn't protect you from getting cancer, BUT , It sure as the heck helps. Your age puts you in a good position for this to be just a polyp. That's not saying it is. But the odds are really in your favor.

We are all here pulling for you, and hopefully we get to tell you that you can't join our club.

Mark

About a month ago I started experiencing a bit of urgency to urinate, some pelvic and low back discomfort and a little burning too. I went in to see my Primary Doctor about a week later (since I wasn't feeling better) and he examined me, took a urine sample and said that there was trace blood in the urine. At that point, he said it was nothing alarming, but that we should do a culture and, in the interim, treat it as a UTI/Bladder infection or urethritis. I took a 7-day course of Cipro w/ Aleve but wasn't responding so I called back and my Doctor scheduled an Abdominal and Pelvic CT (no contrast.) That was about 2 weeks ago. Per the Radiologist, my Doctor and the Urologist (which my Doctor referred me to thereafter) all confirmed that the CTs were "normal" and showed no problems at all. As nice as that was to hear, I still had trace blood in my urine and some of the other urination symptoms, so I saw the Urologist yesterday and he did a Cystoscopy...Unfortunately, that 5 minutes has seemed to change me forever. My Urologist said he found a 5mm polyp which he told me was "a small bladder cancer." I went numb after hearing the word, which I never thought I would hear [associated with my name.] He went on to check my prostate and said that the symptoms I'd been experiencing were due to Prostatitis and he said that would likley be cleared up w/ another (60 day) round of Cipro (which I am taking now.) Since yesterday I have been mentally defeated and feeling as though I am done for. I have reached out to a number of support areas (including this one) as well as pestering my Doctors for continued reassurance that this isn't going to kill me. Both of them said that this is a superficial polyp and that it can simply be removed and I will be fine. Obviously, they said I will need to come back every few months initially for a Cystoscopy recheck to make sure everything is ok, but in the meantime I have to wait 3 weeks until I can have the polyp removed and biopsied to determine the full pathology. My Urologist went as far as to tell me that this is early and I was luck to have discovered it now...he also "guaranteed" me that I'd be fully ok and this would not threaten my life in any way (provided that I come back and see him after it is removed and keep regular checkups.) Needless to say, despite all of this positive reinforcement and general optimism from the people who would seem to have the most authority and experience to offer such assurances, I still cannot help but feeling so incredibly frightened and scared about the "what ifs." I am only 37, don't smoke, drink sparingly, don't eat fast food, and do all of the right things to stay healthy (or so I thought.) This is rare for someone my age, so I've been told, which is another reason why this is so perplexing and frightening. I am trying to keep positive, but am in a very difficult stage of this process now...the waiting. I also can't stop thinking about what they will say after taking out this polyp...after all, the doctor called it a "small bladder cancer" and gave me a pamphlet on it, but then very confidently said that I will be completely fine and that I have "dodged a bullet" by finding this now. I am trying to find the silver lining in all of this, but I have a wife and 2 year old daughter and a wonderfully happy life that I so fully embrace, yet I now struggle with the prospect of not being there to watch my daughter grow up or to grow old with my wife. I'm not ready to go and feel so helpless and scared that this may take me from life and love itself.

I have no choice but to wait the next 3 weeks out until I can have the scope to remove the polyp and better know what this is, but anything anyone else could offer in the way of hopeful words, advice or experiences that may allay some of my fears and anxieties and let me believe as my doctors do would be most helpful.

Thank you