So sorry to hear your story, but very glad that your brother-in-law went to Mass General for a second opinion. If there was to be bad news, better to get it right away than to let this get out of control. Bladder cancer is nothing to fool around with.
Should the diagnosis hold, and bladder removal become a reality, it is important for him and for his family to remember that this is really curative and is not the end of the world. We have members here who are living full lives without bladders, driving race cars, scuba diving.....
If he is going to have bladder removal and reconstruction, there are some important things for him to consider (and this is a difficult time for "thinking" I know). There are three types of bladder reconstruction available that he should discuss with his urologist/surgeon, with pros and cons to each. Here is a good summary of the possibilities
my.clevelandclinic.org/health/treatments_and_procedures/hic_Urinary_Reconstruction_and_Diversion
The Founder and President of the American Bladder Cancer Society, Cynthia, also lives in Western Mass and finally had her treatment at Mass General and at the Univ. of Chicago. I am sure that you will be hearing from her.
Best of luck to you all.