So sorry to hear about your husband's problems. Patients often have some pain or discomfort after a TURB, but not as much as you report. Your husband really needs to discuss the pain with the urologist who can probably help with it.
As for the other issues, of course your husband is depressed with his diagnosis, although it couldn't be much better and there is a plan in place to deal with it. Depression is common after we are hit with such a blow...CANCER! I remember that my urologist and GP wondered if I wasn't depressed and I became somewhat angry with them...OF COURSE I WAS DEPRESSED....DIDN'T I HAVE THE RIGHT TO BE?
I needed to "wallow" in it for a while.
Your husband DOES need to see his primary care doctor also. He and the urologist should work together on this and, as you state, your husband may have other issues going on. Your husband should realize that his bladder cancer has been diagnosed in a relatively early stage...treatments which can be very successful are pending, and he is relatively lucky. Of course he does not recognize this and I cannot really offer much more to help you convince him.
It is also important for you to take care of yourself. This is going to be a long trip together and he will be needing you to lean on
Sara Anne