Ann,
So sorry to hear about your mum - she sounds like a great person. My dad went into hospice on the 17th of August with prostate cancer which had spread to his bones, mainly the spine. He is 88 and up until fairly recently has still been mobile. He has been on slow release morphine medication for the last sixth months with a liquid morphine ( Oromorph) which he could take if the pain broke through.Like your mum he also was reluctant to take morphine to begin with, I think he thought he would become "drugged" and addicted and that it would cloud his thinking. Please believe me , until his recent admittance to hospice, his thought processes have been absolutely clear, and until his last few days at home when the pain was no longer controlable, he has run his affairs from the sofa, made clear to us his final wishes as to his care, his funeral, care of my mum when he dies, with no signs of confusion or fogginess from the morphine.
Because the bone cancer in his spine was causing nerve compression, he has been treated with pregebalin, which was also very effective.
On the 26th August he started to deteriorate, sleeping much more and his appetite much reduced,and unable to stand , be moved to a chair, or use the toilet, and on Saturday they moved him into a room on his own.He is now classed as being in his final stages. Me, my brother and sister , and of course Mum, who has Alzheimers, are spending as much time as we can by his side. Over the last couple of days he has become unable to swallow, so his medication is given via a syringe driver , but until today with assistance we have been able to give him a drink. The doctors have said he has days only left. We still talk to him, even though he doesn`t respond I am sure he can hear us - at time he jerks and clutches at the bedclothes, but I believe that is he wants to do something maybe speak to us, but the messages from his brain are short circuiting.
I hope his time now is short, and I feel terrible to say that, but I just want him to be at peace, and without pain.
I hope this post is of help to you, and maybe it will help you to persuade your mother to accept the pain relief drugs that are available. I think one of the things that has helped my dad in the last few weeks is being assured that my mum will be ok when he is gone. If there is anything that your mum is
worrying about when she has to leave you, it is important that you reassure her so she can go in peace.
My thoughts are with you, please pm me if you want to speak more,
Diane